Kindness

So, here we are on day 3 of #HappinessHappens Month and I've decided to pick kindness to focus on today.

Kindness is kind of inextricably linked with yesterday's giving...I'm not sure you can give in an unkind way. But, there are a few nuances to kindness not covered by the whole giving thing.

As  it happens, I don't really think I like the word 'kind'. It sounds a bit sort of wishy washy and twee. It's the sort of word that seems reserved for pre-school children who won't share or who insist on pulling Jennifer's pigtails. I hear the phrase 'kind hands' rather a lot at work. (no offence to anybody named Jennifer or with pigtails, no idea where that came from, totally random choice of name).

On the other hand I'd hate for anybody to consider either me or my behaviour to be unkind.

And there's absolutely no denying that kindness is both an incredibly aspirational and powerful trait.

In fact one of the findings of the science of happiness into the habits of happy people, is that caring or

compassionate (ergo kind) people tend to be happier.

Taoism, Confucianism and Buddhism are all based on compassion.  In fact Buddhism teaches loving kindness to all living things. ALL living things, including wasps, as annoying as they are. You can read more about my real life experience of that here

The Dalai Lama said "if you want to be happy, practice compassion"

And like happiness, acts of kindness and compassion tend to be quite contagious, creating a ripple effect out around them, not just for the giver and the receiver who chances are will 'pay it forward', but also for the inspired onlooker.

But what does 'kindness' really mean? According to the dictionary it means benignity, benevolence, humanity, generosity, charity,sympathy, compassion, tenderness. To be kind is to be gentle, considerate, helpful, gracious and sympathetic.

Lots of big worthy sounding words that mean generally being a jolly nice sort.

So, it's pretty obvious that being on the receiving end of all of this would feel pretty good. Nobody could deny it's nice when somebody is kind to us. But what about being on the other end? What about being the one doing the kindness? Does exuding kindness ourselves really do us any good?

Well, countless studies say yes.

For a start, many studies show increased brain activity amongst buddhist monks who practice loving kindness meditation. Not only that but Stanford University found a connection between loving kindness meditation and a feeling of social connection; Duke Medical Centre saw an improvement in back pain sufferers after an 8 week loving kindness meditation programme and Barbara Fredrickson found that a loving kindness meditation practice increased daily experiences of positive emotions which in turn increased a whole raft of personal resources such as a sense of purpose in life.

But what about those of us who don't dress in flowing orange robes and sit around meditating all day?* What about just generally being nice and kind to people day to day?

Good news there too. In a study published in 2010 in The Journal of Social Psychology researchers had participants perform a random act of kindness every day for 10 days. At the end of the 10 days their reported levels of life satisfaction and happiness had, you guessed it, increased versus the control.  And, like with giving, the happier we feel the more likely we are to be kind, which makes us happy...and so on. 

But actually, none of this is news. For any Darwin fans out there, you're probably aware of his "survival of the fittest" theory.  Which is a bit of a strange thing to bring up in a post about kindness and therefore altruism, since really, that's all about the opposite, about 'the selfish gene'.  Well it would be, if 'survival of the fittest' was actually Darwin's phrase. It wasn't, it was coined by Herbert Spencer and picked up by other social Darwinists. Closer examination of Darwin's early work on human kind shows that 'survival of the kindest' is actually a much closer summary of his views and his findings that social and maternal instincts and sympathy are amongst the most important factors in raising offspring and evolution.

But did we really need all of this research?  Just stop and think for a minute about the last time you were kind to somebody or something. How did it make you feel? How do you feel now recalling that time? Conversely, I know I tend to feel pretty crappy when I've been horrible to somebody. Being unkind definitely depletes my happy. And I don't know about you, but I really don't like to witness unkindness either. It makes me feel really sad and indignant, and a deep sense of injustice. So, it's not rocket science, it's just nice to have the science to back it up. But really we all knew already that being kind is just, well, kind. 

So how do we do it? I'm not going to answer that one. It's easy. Just stop being a big grumpy pants, swallow your pride and just be kind.  Almost any act of kindness boosts happiness...thoughts, words, actions; random or planned; grand sweeping gesture or thoughtful little touch; little passing compliment or larger helping hand. Whatever it is, just do or say it.

But a quick caveat, in the midst of all this being kind to everybody else, please don't forget to be kind to yourself first...often the hardest to do, but crucial nonetheless. Read my post about that here

So there we have it. Being kind makes you happy. And that's kinda cool.

* Ok, I was being a bit facetious with my orange robes comment. Meditation isn't just for monks perched on mountain tops and is a very good habit to get into. There are many kinds of meditation but If you'd like to give the loving kindness sort a go there are many beginner guides online. As meditation is such a personal practice I'm specifically not including a link to any one guided meditation here as my favourite might  not work for you.

If guided meditation isn't for you or you can't be bothered to faff about online, try this:
Bring to mind somebody you really love and focus on them in your mind (you can visualise them or just think about them if visualisation doesn't come easily). Then literally just send them loving thoughts, like "I wish you happiness/peace/success/protection from harm". Make the words your own but keep the general gist. Interestingly you don't actually need to really feel/believe what you're saying for it to work. Anyway, do the same for somebody who's been a big support for you. Repeat for somebody you know is having a bit of trouble recently. Then do the same thing for somebody you barely know at all...this is key.  Finally, repeat it for yourself (for some reason that bit is often the hardest).

Alternatively, if you don't want to 'meditate' as such at all, try this one. Next time you're sitting on the bus/tube or strolling down the street, look at the people you pass and just  think to yourself something along the lines of "I wish you happiness" or whatever version of that you find most comfortable/least cringey.  And NB, you'll probably feel ridiculous the first time you do it but keep at it! Is interesting to see how it gives you a little bit of an uplift and is especially effective for people being a bit irritating...rather than mutter about them under your breath, smile and wish them happiness under your breath. Puts you in a much better mood!

Giving

So, it's day 2 of Happiness Happens Month, a month dedicated by The Secret Society of Happy People to raising happiness up the agenda; getting people talking about it, listening and spreading it. 

And today I've decided to focus on the area of 'giving'. 

If you're anything like me, you'll already have a sneaking suspicion that giving feels a bit nicer than receiving anyway, and now science is starting to prove it. In one experiment, those people given some money to spend on others or to donate to charity displayed greater uplifts in wellbeing than another group given money to spend on themselves. But giving isn't just about physically giving people things or money, but about doing things for other people.  Yes we can give money, but we can also give time, energy, thoughts, support, kindness, ideas...you get the picture! The more we give, the more reward we feel. And, in a lovely virtuous circle, the more reward/happy we feel the more we want to give

And unlike the high we get from buying ourselves things or other quick fixes, the so called 'helpers high' tends to contribute to a more sustained feeling of contentment and wellbeing. In fact, studies have shown that amongst teenagers, volunteering can lead to increases of self esteem and improved attitudes to school, amongst other things.

Giving also helps us build stronger connections with others and with the community, building important social links that are all also key ingredients in the happiness mix. 

So, all in all finding ways to give a little in our day to day sounds like pretty good medicine for all concerned. But how?

Here are some really quick, simple ideas for 'giving' today, all of which I have personally road tested! I'm sure there are millions more, please add your ideas in the comments below:

• Give a little smile to people you pass in the street. Many may think you're a bit loopy but you're guaranteed to get a few smiles back and give somebody a little lift
• Make or buy somebody you wouldn't normally a tea or coffee, apropos of absolutely nothing other than making them happy
• Leave a little bit of small change in a vending machine or ticket machine for the next person to find
• Or even leave some random bits of small change lying on the pavement for somebody else to find
• Phone a friend or family member you haven't spoken to in a while who you know will appreciate it
• Give the gift of gratitude and say thank you. A lot. Especially to somebody who has always been there for you but maybe you've not really expressed quite how grateful you are
• Hug! Be careful with that one...there are those who celebrate random hugging but just pick your victims carefully!
• Teach somebody about something you know and love 
• Offer your services to somebody who could do with them
• Volunteer. There are loads of sites online to help you find the right volunteering opportunity. I like www.do-it.org.uk but there are loads more
• Donate to Action for Happiness or a charity you believe in. Or pop some change in the next collection box you see
• UK based peeps, pick up a green token at Waitrose and pop it in the box for your preferred cause
• Go help out at a local soup kitchen
• Write a letter to somebody who isn't into texting and email but never gets letters anymore
• Share and retweet all the news you see about  #happinesshappens to spread the word
• Give your time to somebody you know could do with some help
• Empty out all your old clothes and bits you don't really need and donate them to somebody or a cause/charity shop who does 
• Share your knowledge and answer a question on a forum
• Forward on an article you think somebody else might like
• Bake a cake and take it into work/next door/your grandma etc
• Offer to do the chores even when it's not your turn
• Run your other half a bath or put the kettle on ready for when they come home

And at the end of the day, give 5 minutes just to yourself to reflect on your day and think about how all your little 'gifts' have made a difference, to you, to others; no matter how big or small. 

Today

I like today.

Today I have listened to children chattering and chuckling. I have danced and sung. I have been 'fed' some special new recipe and been asked to walk the plank. I have helped and shared and I have observed. I've been told that 5 and 5 is ten and that the noise inside a seashell is actually the sea. And when it was time for my lunch I was asked if I was going to the mountains. "Why not", I said, "I shall see what I can see."

I didn't quite make it to the mountains, but who needs the mountains? I saw a bumble bee wearing pollen trousers. I saw a kite circling overhead. I saw the sun peeping through the clouds and I heard the jolly little chirruping of the birds in the trees around me. All whilst tasting delicious, sweet mango.

And I sat here and I thought: "I like today".

Secure your own mask first

Something has been bothering me recently. I've been noticing an ever growing number of a certain type of happiness quotes and posts cropping up.

And whilst overall I most certainly agree with their general gist, I am left feeling a little uncomfortable every time another one (and another one) pops up.

I'm talking about this sort of thing:

"Happiness isn't happiness unless it's shared"

"The point of happiness is to give it away"

"if you want to make yourself happy, make someone else happy"

"spend less time thinking about yourself and more time thinking about others"

I'm paraphrasing but you get the gist.

Now then, these things are all true. To a certain extent.

But a huge, massive, giant part of being happy is all about self.  Looking after yourself, understanding yourself, being kind to yourself, liking yourself, spending time with yourself, giving yourself a break. Understanding what it is that truly makes YOU happy.

One major reason why happiness eludes many of us is because we don't ever put ourselves first.  I worked on an ad campaign several years ago which centred on this very insight. At the time we had some research showing that women, on average across the course of their lives, spend 21 years looking after other people rather than themselves. 21 YEARS! When interviewed they found it nigh on impossible to talk about themselves. Really about themselves - not about their children, work, husband, friends.

One major reason why I set out on this happiness quest of my own was because somewhere along the line I had lost 'me'.

Ok, so both of those facts are only about women but we're not alone!

There's a reason why the safety information on an aeroplane advises we put on our own oxygen masks before helping others.

It's because if we don't look out for and after ourselves we are in absolutely no fit state to even contemplate looking out for and after anybody else.

We owe it to other people to care for ourselves and concern ourselves with our own happiness first and foremost.  It's not selfish, it's just the decent thing to do.

So yes, it is true, that one of the ways to boost happiness is to share and experience it with others. But first it is really important to be able to cultivate it and enjoy it ourselves, in our own company.  There's a quote I love..."if you smile when nobody else is around, you really mean it" (Andy Rooney). Learn to really smile by yourself... and then share it.

And yes, another sure fire way to make yourself happy is to make somebody else happy...but not if by making somebody else happy you are stifling yourself, ignoring your own needs or in some way undermining your own happiness.

I know there are many many general rules of thumb when it comes to happiness and not all of them will work for all of us, that's fine. But this particular flavour of general message, in my opinion, just doesn't sit so well. It needs to come with a little bit more context to be more helpful than potentially harmful. Sometimes it feels as if I'm being told off for wanting my own happiness when I read some of these messages and that absolutely shouldn't be the point.  In fact, one of the very best ways to spread happiness is just to be happy yourself. It's contagious.

So, happiness, yes, do share it, absolutely.

But first make sure you have it to give in the first place.

And whatever you do please don't just give it carelessly away.

Filling the bucket

Everybody has a bucket.

Some buckets are full of joy and happiness. Hobbies and friends. Love and laughter.

They're the lucky ones.

Other buckets are full of sorrow and despair. Bad habits and vicious circles. Clouds and regret.

All our buckets are different  but have one thing in common...they're OUR bucket. Whether we like it or not, we feel quite attached to our bucket.  We feel a bit weird and out of sorts if something goes missing from our bucket, we prefer to keep it full.

So, it's all very well taking the sad and lonely, the negative thinking or even the self medicating out of somebody's bucket...but what does that leave? Not a lot. Those things, as unpleasant and uncomfortable as they are, are what that bucket keeper knows. What they're used to. And without them? Their bucket is empty.

Help someone quit smoking without understanding the underlying cause and it's very likely they'll find a new outlet or vice...I've seen it happen.

Cut out all the junk food and drinking without realising what need it was fulfilling, or finding a healthy new source of pleasure or a satisfying new diet and lifestyle to replace it, and you'll end up feeling deprived and miserable. And reaching for the cake...I'm living proof that it happens. Again. And again

To put it another way: The absence of dis-ease, does not at all guarantee the presence of ease.

Which is, of course, why the very field of positive psychology began.  The whole of psychology, until the positive lot came along, is based on a 'disease' model, occupied with what's wrong with people. With easing hardship and misery. On weakness. On removing pain.

But if all somebody is used to feeling is pain, what are they supposed to feel when the pain is gone?  Is feeling empty supposed to be any better than feeling sad?

Martin Seligman and co. didn't think so. And neither do I.

I absolutely love that positive psychology focuses not on what's wrong with people, but on all that is right with us. Studies not weaknesses but strengths. Focuses not just on removing hardship, but on cultivating happiness to flourish in its place.

the photo that inspired this post

Or in short, positive psychology is all about re-filing that bucket with sunshine once all the muck has been
tipped out.

Identify your muck. Dig it up. Throw it away.

let the sunshine in

But don't stop there.  Don't leave your bucket empty. Once the clouds are gone, work out how to fill your bucket back up, but this time with sunshine. Once you know what that bucket needs, what you need to do, then fill it right up. Right up to the top. And keep on topping it up every chance you get.

Cos every little gap in that sunshine, is room for the muck to seep back in.

Santorelaxini

A few weekends ago Alex and I went to Santorini.

see, glorious

This is a fairly extravagant way to spend a few days for someone in my current earning bracket, I'll admit, but I'd booked it as a surprise Christmas present way back when both life and pay were rather different and it was non-refundable.

So, we had no choice but to go. Terrible shame that.

And to cut a 2 day story short, it was, quite simply, utterly glorious.  I cannot remember feeling so relaxed in a very, very long time. Both of us.

Not just relaxed because we were on holiday and holidays are relaxing, but also relaxed in terms of laid back about how everything panned out.

It could be said that I am something of a perfectionist.  And something of a planner...hell it was in my job title for most of my working life (the planner bit, not the perfectionist bit, just to clarify).

Which means, it could also be said, that not all of the 'relaxing' things I plan  are quite as perfectly relaxing as they should be.

Note 'plan' and 'should'.

If I plan a fun day...it HAS to be fun.  If I plan a jolly family gathering and somebody (especially me) utters something even vaguely miserable, I'm devastated. If I plan a romantic night out, bluebirds had better be circling overhead.  If the lighting in the restaurant isn't quite at the level I'd imagined, or I get seated in an area of the restaurant I deem not to be quite romantic enough, or the music is a bit off....or anything else that's not quite 'perfect', it's all ruined.  I'll smile through it but everyone in my vicinity will know (much to their detriment) everything is not quite as it 'should' be.

I have been known to traipse from restaurant to restaurant (to restaurant etc) in search of this holy grail of restaurant perfectness until the night is so beyond repair that no restaurant, no matter how perfect, could ever  salvage it.

Or to summarise: I tend to put a lot of pressure on both myself and other people to experience the occasion in the exact way I have planned/imagined the occasion should be experienced.

Or I did. Turns out this is an excellent example of a story I tell about myself that might not actually be true (something we all do by the way).  It is true that I once did this, but it turns out I don't really do it anymore (so desperate to hold onto this particular story I can't even say I don't do it...I've written I don't 'really' do it!). Turns out it's a story I'm carrying around in the present tense that should really be rewritten in the past tense.

And it took a quiet moment watching the world go by in Santorini to realise this about myself.

Actually I realised a few things.

Firstly, despite being sorely tempted to plan the whole short break to within an inch of its life (and ours), I made a conscious decision before we went not to plan anything at all about it. Actually I don't know if it was a conscious decision or not. I kept thinking about planning it but almost accidentally on purpose kept not doing anything about it. I had done the smallest amount of research as to what was on offer (and I do mean small, I read a few articles...when we went to Cuba I think I had about 20 different guide books, all annotated) but that was it.

On the one hand we only had a few days so I wanted to make sure we made the most of it. But on the other, and apparently much more important hand, making the most of it also meant not overdoing it. Making the most of the time, the place, each other. Just being. Not rushing around to pre-arranged plans and timings.  Even when we got there, something inside me refused to succumb to any arrangements at all. We just got up and went were we went and did what we did, when we felt like it.

first night

Oh ok, I did book a restaurant at the last minute on the first night as opposed to just seeing where we ended up or chancing our arm at a table with a sunset view. But that was the only time. And interestingly, the second night where we left it to chance, we ended up with a much better table at a much nicer restaurant and a much more spectacular view. Make of that what you will.

Anyway, there I was leaving (nearly) everything to chance and just mooching around without a plan (although ironically, I had planned not to have a plan so am still debating whether or not this counts. It's a step anyway). And instead of wandering around at a loose end or being all highly strung about missing out on whatever it was I hadn't planned into the agenda, I was relaxed. I was just being. I had relinquished foolish notions of being in control. I was present. I was soaking it all up and enjoying every single second of  it.

I'd just like to add at this point that I haven't given up 'planning' nor am I poo pooing it. Planning has its, often very important place, just that this wasn't it. The point here is that I'm learning to live without planning...and that life can't actually always be planned for.


Secondly, I realised that not all of the restaurants/bars/cafes/situations we ended up in would have quite met the 'perfect' grade had I been testing them. Which meant, I wasn't testing them.  I was just letting them be what they were and enjoying them for that, not bemoaning them for what they weren't.

The culprit

And then, on our last day we  both had in mind a specific sort of place for lunch.  We went into one place, sat down and decided it was a bit too busy and noisy, especially given the hangover courtesy of too much local rose the night before. We popped into the next place and decided the menu didn't appeal quite as much as some we'd seen. The third place was a bit iffy but from the roof terrace we spotted a 4th that looked just right. So we went there, and it was.  As I sat there I thought to myself, it feels like a long time since I've done that holy grail restaurant traipse. But more importantly, had we just done this particular restaurant traipse a few years ago I would have been quite wound up by now. I'd have been upset that we were wasting time, worried that I was annoying Alex traipsing from place to place, embarrassed to be leaving places as soon as I'd arrived, anxious that we were never going to find the right place, caught up on all the bad points of everywhere we tried and generally quite stressed by the whole thing.  But on this occasion I was carefree, relaxed and...happy.

us, looking happy

And I think this is what my whole long meandering post is about:  Happiness.

In the past I've focused on the planning, not on the moment, the living. I've relied on the restaurant, the event, the day, the occasion, the whatever it was I'd planned, the outside stuff to deliver the fun, the romance, the happiness.

But while a bad seat in a horrible restaurant can make an unhappy me unhappier, a good seat in a nice restaurant cannot be solely responsible for making me happy. It has to come from within. If it's not already there, the more you pursue it externally, the further away it feels.

And it was there in Santorini.  Yes it's a beautiful place, yes it's romantic and all the rest of it and all of that helps, but it has to be there already, inside.

So, I concluded, with a contented sigh, that this was proof. That somewhere along this journey I have learnt to relax, to switch off, to take the pressure off, to just be. That all this chatting happy, has paid off in some little way...

But please, for your own safety, never, ever offer me a seat facing into a corner in a restaurant.

I don't know what to do

This post was first published on www.tinybuddha.com.

Wait, let me say that again. I was published on Tiny Buddha!

Anyway, here it is:



He who deliberates fully before taking a step will spend his entire life on one leg.
​- Chinese Proverb


So, here’s the thing: I don't know what to do.

About this thing, about that thing. About big things and small things.

About anything.

Actually, to be honest even the smallest thing seems big when I don’t know what to do about it. The state of ‘not knowing what to do’ is like some kind of Miracle Grow for small things in my mind.

This is not a new thing. Not knowing what to do is a particular and well honed talent of mine. I can even juggle several not knowing what to dos at once.

For example, at the moment. I don’t know whether to go away with my friends this weekend or not. And if I do will I take the train? Or get a lift? I don’t know whether to take that new job. And if I do, when should I start it? What about all those other job offers that will flood through the door the minute I say yes to this one? I don’t know whether to start the diet tomorrow. Or today. Or next week. Or not at all. I don’t know whether to call my counsellor or ride this one out alone.

I don’t know what is best, what is right. I don’t know what I want to do.

Do you know what else I don’t know?

I don't know what to do about not knowing what to do.

And whenever I feel like this (which is not always, but often), I start not knowing what to do about things I DID know what to do about before. Things I had already made decisions on, things I felt excited and sure about before, now feel wobbly and wrong. Even though I know the decisions felt right when I made them.

My brain starts questioning it all: What if I didn't really know what to do then either, and just decided on something that wasn't really the right thing to do after all? What if it turns out to be 'wrong'? What if I acted on impulse and didn't think it all through properly?

It’s like I’m mourning all the other possible options that will never, ever happen now because I didn’t choose them.

The little voice in my head chides me: If you choose option a, then such and such might happen, which could lead to x and then that may mean y. Had I known in the beginning about y, maybe I wouldn't have chosen that original thing. Or would I? How do I know?

And this uncertainty; the worry; the anxiety; the not knowing: it isn't picky. It doesn't just stick to the thing I'm not sure about. It leaks. It seeps into everything else so instead of feeling uncertain or anxious about one thing in particular, about one decision specifically, I feel anxious, uncertain and worried full stop. I forget what started it. I just feel it.

I feel it in my chest, near my heart. In my throat. It feels like guilt, muddled with regret, with overtones of panic and an undercurrent of fear. It feels hard and cold, like a vice like grip.

And I don't like it.

But I just don't know what to do about it.

So I do nothing.

Except worry and be anxious that doing nothing is not the right thing to do.

It’s exhausting, it’s frustrating and it’s totally and utterly unproductive.

And the only thing that makes it stop?

Is to just decide and do something. To just do anything.

And the only way to know what to do? Well actually, there is no answer to that one.

Other than to not worry about worrying. To not feel anxious about feeling anxious. To accept that there is no right answer.

To breathe. To try to feel beyond the worry, to try to feel the answer rather than (over) think it.

To stop trying to second guess every possible outcome of every possible decision. To stop trying to control and account for every accountability. It just isn’t possible.

To trust.

I can’t know what will happen. I can’t know how I will feel about any of it. I can’t know whether the decision I make is any better or worse than any other decision I could have made because I am only ever going to experience the one path I do choose.

So, I can only react with what I have, what I know and how I feel, right here and right now. And I don’t need to know how to do that, I just need to do it. I just need to allow it to happen.

So, back to my decisions. Well, I still don't know what to do. I still don't know what the 'right' thing is.

But maybe that’s not so much of a problem after all.

Because I do know what the wrong thing is. And that's to make no decision at all. Even if the decision I make is not to decide just yet…THAT is still a decision. Own it.

A friend once said to me, “whenever the time is right, will be the right time”. It helps me relax about my decisions.

I often wonder: Am I the only one like this? I don’t know that either, but if you’re with me:

Stop thinking it through. Stop making up what might happen. Because that’s what’s happening here, you’re just making it up. Just make the decision instead and enjoy the ride. Whatever it turns out to be, it doesn’t really matter - you can change it later if you really have to.

Whatever the decision is, just make it - what's the worst that can happen, really?

Just make the decision and then be glad you did. Enjoy the freedom and the relief that follows. Enjoy the present, indecision free. Because while you’re busy worrying about what might happen tomorrow, guess what, you’re missing out on all the great stuff happening today.

So just decide. Just relax.

Want to know the good news? The decision thing is just as leaky as the indecision thing.

Once I get going again, I know there'll be no stopping me. I’ll breeze through decisions that floored me before. I’ll put those small things back in their place. And if it feels wrong: I’ll change it. I won’t worry about it. Things that felt a bit wrong and weird before just won’t matter anymore.

I won't know where this whole confident, decision making thing came from. I'll just feel it.

I'll feel it in my chest, near my heart. It will feel like contentment, embracing joy, tickled with peace and flavoured with lightness. It will feel soft and warm, like molten honey trickling through my veins. It will make me smile.

And I will love it. And I will do all I can to hold on to it.

That I do know.

So let’s just get started, let’s just relax. Let’s just decide. And let’s never look back.