tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37404118410175872882024-03-14T13:38:58.278+00:00Chatting Happythe random ramblings of an over-active mindEmma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.comBlogger92125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-22006060047350980912015-06-03T11:11:00.001+01:002015-06-03T11:11:44.642+01:00Self Preservation SocietySo, the plan for today was get up early, write a load of reports, prepare a load of healthy food, go to the gym, go to school for a meeting, stay late at school marking, rush, rush, do, do.<br />
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That's on top of a couple of nights of not sleeping well at all, sciatica trying to take hold, period pains (which carry a whole load of other connotations and echoes I'm not going to go into here) and 2 very late nights at school already.<br />
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And we're only on day 2 of a nearly 8 week term during the first three weeks of which I have 30 reports to write, 3 observations to prepare for and endure, a new child starting in my class, governors visiting, workshops and various other schedule changes and goodness knows what else. Oh, and an NQT year to complete.<br />
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So it's not a massive surprise that this morning I woke up with an almighty, ouch-I-don't-think-I-can-actually-move headache and the snuffles.<br />
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My initial reaction was 'groan', great, thanks, how I am I supposed to get on with my plan now then?<br />
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And then I decided perhaps I just needed to make a new plan.<br />
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Instead of rushing and racing around like I'm some kind of superwoman (which, clearly I am, just not today), maybe I just need to slow down and sit back a little. It's going to be pretty impossible to survive the longest term in the world if I'm already pushing myself to breaking point on day 2.<br />
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So I snuggled back down to try and get a little more sleep. Then I took some time just to sit and be. Then I got ready for the morning in a leisurely sort of way and sat and drank my hot lemon and drank a nice big glass of water. Next I decided some very gentle restorative yoga would help, so to the mat I went. I was just about to reach for my usual breakfast of a green smoothie when I realised I needed something much more warming and comforting so I made myself a lovely bowl of my favourite buckwheat porridge with manuka honey, cinnamon and fresh berries.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimlWiSIVbuX5HPpqRs-KfNYLqcbKbCbfORLbOocekVqATvMlutsFVNKHKWsSkBffYdG1RDmIzhscrNQqlSKG_qC0GhIkbKIz_p_hPuLTcEmMXvsY5_vV_b0O_HLMvOsQGWA-UTrR9qy3s/s640/blogger-image--1580601283.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimlWiSIVbuX5HPpqRs-KfNYLqcbKbCbfORLbOocekVqATvMlutsFVNKHKWsSkBffYdG1RDmIzhscrNQqlSKG_qC0GhIkbKIz_p_hPuLTcEmMXvsY5_vV_b0O_HLMvOsQGWA-UTrR9qy3s/s320/blogger-image--1580601283.jpg" width="240" /></a>Finally, about 2 hours after I intended to, I sat down to write some reports, having first lit a candle under my oil burner with some lavender and rosemary oils which I just felt would help my head and snuffles.<br />
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Now I've taken a break to write this, and later on I might walk, leisurely to my meeting rather than dash there in the car, and maybe I won't go to the gym tonight after all. It depends on what feels best for me at the time.<br />
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None of this is massively exciting or ground breaking, so why have I felt the need to blog about it?<br />
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Because actually, for me it is quite massive and ground breaking. It's not long ago that a day like today would have signalled disaster, uselessness and failure. Stupid head for aching, stupid back for hurting, stupid nose for snuffling, stupid NQT year, stupid term, stupid observations, stupid reports... would have been going round my head. I would have been beating myself up for being useless and lazy, getting up so much later than planned, not getting as much done as intended. Or I would have swung the opposite way and like a petulant child declared woe is me and vegged on the sofa all morning eating crap and making myself feel worse, all the while feeling guilty for not doing anything useful at all yet continuing to rebel against the guilt by piling ice cream in my face and drivel into my eyes via the medium of TV and social media.<br />
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But today I don't feel guilty. I feel under par, yes, but I'm listening to that rather than fighting against it. I'm being nice and kind to myself and giving myself a chance to pick back up. I'm not sticking to my (as always overambitious) plan, but I'm not throwing it out in a strop either. I'm flexing it, dialling it down where it needs it, steering around it. Other days I dial up my plan. Other days I achieve more than I thought I would, it'll all balance out in the end.<br />
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I'm doing what I can, with what I have, where I am right now.<br />
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And, finally, that's good enough for me.Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-12284474510479642602015-05-08T17:32:00.001+01:002015-05-08T22:54:47.046+01:00Shocked and SaddenedIn the wake of the UK General Election I am left deeply shocked and saddened.<br />
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But not for the reason you might think.<br />
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This is not a post about my political standpoint or my personal opinion of the election result. In any way.<br />
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It is a post about being a human being moved by the behaviour of other human beings.<br />
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But not in a good way.<br />
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I have truly been sickened to hear and read online the way people are talking about and to each other...ripping each other to shreds. It is shocking. And it saddens me that people treat each other like that, whatever the reason.<br />
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Regardless of our opinions. Regardless of our standpoints. Regardless of our own personal situation or journey, we are all human beings. We are all people. We are not who we vote for or what we believe...we <b>are </b>people...human beings not human doings or human votings.<br />
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We are supposed to be a compassionate being. We are supposed to be blessed with empathy and understanding. We've all learnt about being polite and about treating each other with respect and kindness.<br />
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But all of this went out of the window last night and today, not to mention the months long lead up.<br />
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I get that people are passionate and I love that (but who cares what I think or love, that's not the point). Passion is fantastic. It gets things done, it moves and motivates people. But rudeness? Aggression? Insults and quite frankly revolting language aimed personally at other individual people (not politicians, every day people who may or may not have crossed a certain box)? Passion is supposed to inspire, not incite. I am certainly not inspired by some of the words I have been reading over the last few days. I am horrified.<br />
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It's pretty clear very many people agree that the whole system is totally rubbish...but it's the one we've got and calling each other names probably isn't going to mend it. If the politicians all want to call each other names and bully each other that's their call but why do we all have to jump on their rude bandwagon we're so vehemently arguing about in the first place? And the way to convince other people to vote for your party (whichever it is) is not to reduce ourselves to sewer rats. It's neither clever, nor dignified, nor what many would either aspire to or want to be associated with.<br />
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I am lost for words.<br />
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I know I am what's known as a highly sensitive person and therefore I will be absorbing every single insult, jibe, remark and coarse comment I see splashed about the internet much more acutely than others and that perhaps to many people it'll be like water off a ducks back. But I just can't accept that this type of behaviour is ok.<br />
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In fact I'm pretty sure it isn't. Ever. For anybody. In any type of situation.<br />
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I am seriously knocked for six. I've not been able to stop thinking about it all day. Every new comment or article or post I see hurts, but I can't stop looking...it's like picking off that scab that keeps growing back just to check if it still hurts (it does). It makes me feel sick and I don't understand it.<br />
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I haven't and am not going to disclose who I voted for nor what I think of the election result. This isn't about that. <br />
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But if there was ever going to have been a result that would have kept us from beating down each others doors, from throwing fiery tongued flames over each others fences, from becoming wild, aggressive and quite frankly revolting animals...then that's what I would have voted for.<br />
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I would have voted for a way for people to express themselves without insulting their neighbour. To be passionate without being personal. To debate and argue, yes...I love a good argument. But without the slanging and fisty cuffs. No thank you. We don't need that. <br />
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I seriously cannot express how strongly or how deeply I feel about this, yet I have managed to express all of this without uttering a single profanity, without naming anybody else, without threatening anything or anybody. And it wasn't that hard to do because of how passionately I felt about it.<br />
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Please, please, please let me not be the only one.<br />
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Good things happen. Awful things happen. Life happens.<br />
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We deal with it.<br />
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Without turning on each other.<br />
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Shame on you, Britain. Shame. On. You.<br />
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<br />Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-19191782292526272652015-02-12T22:05:00.001+00:002015-02-12T22:13:48.084+00:00The point.A few years ago I worked in London, in media and then in adult learning and development.<br />
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I earned a fair few pounds. I put on a fair few pounds also. I worked long hours. I got stressed. </div>
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And one day it hit me. This is rubbish. I mean I always knew it was, but one day it properly hit me that the rubbishness of it all was too rubbish to carry on with.</div>
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But I didn't do anything about it really.</div>
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Until one day it got even more rubbish and I found myself jobless. That bit has all been well documented on here.</div>
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So what did I do next? I re-trained as a teacher.</div>
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I no longer earn very many pounds. The cakes in the staff room continuously conspire to pile back on the pounds I shed. I work very very long hours, stupidly longer than before. And when I'm not at work, I take my work home with me and I'm still working. Even when I'm not working I'm thinking about work, I don't think the teacher brain ever switches off. I get stressed. Very stressed. And busy. </div>
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So what, then, on earth was the point?</div>
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What was the point of swapping London, well paid, well vino-d stress for local, dismal paid, no jollies, work-at-the-weekend-every-weekend stress?</div>
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That's a question I often wonder about asking myself. I read many articles by people who got into teaching and then leapt straight back out again a year or two later because they couldn't stand it or the workload or the parents or the politics or the stress or or or or.</div>
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What is the point?</div>
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Here is the point:</div>
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The point is, in the middle of a god awful, when will it end, is it nearly half term yet week, the world offers you one of the most beautiful, heart warming, uplifting experiences on a plate, right in the middle of where you work. Just as you're innocently going about your lastminute breaktime photocopying rush. Just as a matter of course because that's what this place is all about, there in the middle of the hall are 30 children all dressed up as pirates and sea creatures with that look on their faces that says they don't know whether to be terrified or excited. And seated all in front of them are another 150 or so children eagerly anticipating what's about to come, shuffling to get the best view, surreptitiously waving to their friend about to perform. And perform they do. As the music builds, they twirl and whirl, they flap and spin, they climb that rigging like that's all they were born to do. And the crowd go wild. There's clapping and bowing and cheering and grinning until our faces ache. Hearts are a fluttering like the flags on the ole pirate ship.</div>
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And I think to myself: That. That is the point.</div>
Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-9686278422211358602014-10-21T18:24:00.001+01:002014-10-21T18:24:54.801+01:00What to do when you can't do anythingSo, according to my schedule I should have done high intensity intervals on Thursday and Friday evening, a full weights workout on Saturday, a yoga class last night and another load of intervals tonight. And in between all of that been a teacher and kept my house running.<div>
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I haven't done any of those things, because, following a slight altercation with an errant hoover attachment in which I came out far worse than the hoover, I am currently joined by my old friend Si. Attica.</div>
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I was only saying the other day how he hadn't popped round for a while. Never, Tempt. Fate. Or accidentally try to ice skate down a corridor on a hoover head.</div>
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Oh, and I have a giant head cold.</div>
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So, I can't actually do anything.</div>
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Wrong.</div>
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Ok, granted, to begin with I couldn't get out of bed unaided...but what I could do was rest. Something my body has been trying to tell me to do for ages but I've been ignoring. So, rest it is.</div>
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Then, when I did manage to shuffle out of bed and hobble to the kitchen, what I could do was make sure I eat right. I may not be able to throw a 20k kettlebell about the place, but I can make sure I eat plenty of green leafy stuff and stay away from the sugar, dairy and caffeine (inflammatory, snot inducing and mood sucking the lot of them).</div>
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Ok, so I'm actually doing pretty good here, I can rest and I can eat well. Boom.</div>
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Turns out after a few pain killers I can actually move a smidgeon as well. So, every hour or so, in between resting (and watching complete turd on the TV), I move. It may be just to shift position, it maybe to hobble 3 steps across the room and back, but I move.</div>
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I also learn I can crawl a lot more comfortably than I can walk. I probably won't get a week's shopping done that way, but it's a start. And actually crawling is recommended as a fab all body exercise...possibly not the way I was doing it but there we go.</div>
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After the first few days I can move a little more so I build in some upper body stretching because all this lying around and bracing myself to protect my lower back plays havoc on the rest of it. Have I ever mentioned how utterly excruciatingly painful it is to have a coughing fit when you also have sciatica? Horrible.</div>
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Next I try to get some fresh air and actually make it to the doctors to stock up on anti-inflammatories which speed things up nicely.</div>
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Next I discover that a few of the yoga poses and stretches I've learnt recently are doable and also feel like they're helping. Clearly lots more of them are definitely not doable and won't even be attempted, and that's ok. </div>
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But, it turns out that if you're very careful, even a few chaturanga dandasanas are possible. And anyone who's done a few of them knows that's a workout right there! </div>
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So really, it's not about focusing on what I can't do right now, it's trying to work out what I can do. It's just about trying to figure out what are the bare minimums I can do here to try and help myself out a bit. Charging into the gym the minute I can actually move is not going to solve anything, it'll make it a whole load worse. Lying in a heap of pity feeling sorry for myself and not moving from the sofa for 4 days? Same. Heroically shuffling into work because I feel like I should? No need and not even possible. Can't drive. Can't sit down. But I know I would have opted for one of those routes in the past.</div>
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I haven't done what I 'was supposed to do' these last five days or so. I haven't completed a single day's work or a single work out. My exercise has not been 'perfect'. But it has been better than nothing. And every day I've done a little bit more. Apart from when I've got it wrong and tried something that clearly very much hurts, I've enjoyed experimenting, seeing how I can work around this, which movement patterns and stretches help, what I can do that actually feels like some kind of a challenge without injuring myself further. </div>
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And eating properly throughout has kept me in a fairly positive mood. I say fairly because it's been quite miserable, yukky, painful and lonely too to be honest, but it would have been a whole load worse in many ways if I'd tried to treat it with pizza and icecream.</div>
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Now, if only this cold would shift...</div>
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Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-44069451297869702732014-10-05T14:13:00.000+01:002014-10-05T14:13:27.839+01:00I am what I amI am what I am.<br />
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And by that I mean, I am not anybody else.<br />
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Which is a fairly obvious thing to say, but one that's not that easy to remember.<br />
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I have a t-shirt. Here it is:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj5fxZ6ChDIcPzBQGhLJoZOpFEhAx1QXgrVOP0rEYXR1VAMluF94HELH_DcWmBY4Xj93pWiOufCdVzQe30OtFd829oJyC72XkHuxM2ClExy7eKpCseiaLoSBpBC_S1HJ77Xs4iyIMXoYY/s1600/image+(9).jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj5fxZ6ChDIcPzBQGhLJoZOpFEhAx1QXgrVOP0rEYXR1VAMluF94HELH_DcWmBY4Xj93pWiOufCdVzQe30OtFd829oJyC72XkHuxM2ClExy7eKpCseiaLoSBpBC_S1HJ77Xs4iyIMXoYY/s1600/image+(9).jpeg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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It says that happiness comes when we stop comparing ourselves to other people. Again, simple advice but still a habit that seems so deeply rooted in very many (if not all?) of us.<br />
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I think comparing ourselves to others goes beyond a bad habit, it crops up all over the place. From being last to be picked in the school sports teams to being asked to rate yourself versus your peers in performance management reviews. <br />
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We're often told not to judge ourselves, but judgement and comparison are all around. I'm writing this with X-Factor on in the background (it's ok, it's the 'Overs', I'm not missing much. By the way, over what, 25!? dear oh dear), Strictly not long finished on the other side. Judgement, judgement, judgement. Comparison after comparison.<br />
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You're not as good a dancer as him. She's a better singer than you.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTGHLtx69-kWYUD3pcWJ1DyIMZalA2IXvaDGUWihIX1I6m_F1w_pZuhSKyk0fwjdd2gUtGUx01333pIiQjTYQ2i4Bo0fffUANgpV7JQkzB4wovf6hjBZEvo3-2cmkvjt-ZVlNHTJ7q5Ko/s1600/1907846_825006667542032_2342167734686391804_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTGHLtx69-kWYUD3pcWJ1DyIMZalA2IXvaDGUWihIX1I6m_F1w_pZuhSKyk0fwjdd2gUtGUx01333pIiQjTYQ2i4Bo0fffUANgpV7JQkzB4wovf6hjBZEvo3-2cmkvjt-ZVlNHTJ7q5Ko/s1600/1907846_825006667542032_2342167734686391804_n.jpg" height="200" width="190" /></a></div>
What about comparing yourself, to yourself. About progress.<br />
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I say this because it's a lesson I'm having to keep learning and relearning and reminding myself of over and over again as I go through my journey to get fitter, leaner and more body confident.<br />
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The 12 month program I signed up to uses past successes as a way to demonstrate how brilliant the program is. Which had the effect of making me believe that if I did the program I would end up looking like them too.<br />
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Which of course, I don't.<br />
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I look like me. Only better, smaller, leaner and fitter.<br />
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But I do NOT look like the buff amazing gym machines in the photos. AT ALL. Which meant initially I was massively disappointed and felt like a huge failure.<br />
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When I see other girls at the gym with less dimples showing through their leggins, I feel like massive failure that my legs don't look like theirs.<br />
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When I see somebody in yoga take a pose deeper than I can, I feel a massive failure for not being as flexible as they are.<br />
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When I see somebody running without knackering their back, I feel like a massive failure for not being able to cope with simple movement.<br />
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Because I'm comparing myself to others. I don't know their story, their journey. But I do know mine.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIniv909aYTkvCWdDE_ZDo1AqLEsHBUoS3tPCnv6WtQE1ZUI5c_MJVHOXxDpI3I7hY8BVhLq_388rb2Acpnslv1UtthwRW45MnRAM66ksSSSJ_ko75EY09NN_vbxqGdFQIEuT-5vbkhxs/s1600/fat+me.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIniv909aYTkvCWdDE_ZDo1AqLEsHBUoS3tPCnv6WtQE1ZUI5c_MJVHOXxDpI3I7hY8BVhLq_388rb2Acpnslv1UtthwRW45MnRAM66ksSSSJ_ko75EY09NN_vbxqGdFQIEuT-5vbkhxs/s1600/fat+me.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">me then, not loving that hill</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivh9DwuXiumgHyqN71mS0UgIKV1lbP8F-mjpXtn4D1gvadk0WUEP0oQB10V8SZ7ZwMFaTV4SOdkmcEXd5tQSYiNDTqhmo0eysUnJ7j0Kn6Zube7bEMjdiQEglcF_NwSXC6P67TCR_ZTnI/s1600/Web-145.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivh9DwuXiumgHyqN71mS0UgIKV1lbP8F-mjpXtn4D1gvadk0WUEP0oQB10V8SZ7ZwMFaTV4SOdkmcEXd5tQSYiNDTqhmo0eysUnJ7j0Kn6Zube7bEMjdiQEglcF_NwSXC6P67TCR_ZTnI/s1600/Web-145.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">me now, literally jumping for joy!</td></tr>
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And if I compare myself now, to the me at the beginning of my journey, happiness doesn't even begin to cover it.<br />
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<br />Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-84089075209418324162014-10-05T12:04:00.000+01:002014-10-05T12:04:03.660+01:00Strong is the new skinnyI can hardly remember a time when I wasn't trying to be skinnier. Or just less fat actually as in order to be anything-er, you have to be a bit of whatever it is in the first place and (in my mind anyway) skinny is not something I have ever been accused of being.<br />
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My entire adult, and pre-adult before that, life I have been trying in some way or other to lose weight. To make that number on the scales and the clothes label, along with my bulk, shrink. With varying degrees of success. Most dramatically a few years ago by following the Dukan diet and losing 3 stone.</div>
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But I have always struggled with consistency. I know all the dos and don'ts, I could probably write a book on diet and nutrition, but sometimes cake and ice cream still wins. Unfortunately, emotional eating doesn't really care what you know, it only responds to how you feel.</div>
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And, as this blog will testify, I haven't always felt great.</div>
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One thing I definitely haven't always felt great about, not surprisingly, is said bulky body. I've always scorned statements like "love your body no matter what". Thought it a load of old pap that appreciating your body as beautiful and loving yourself would naturally lead to it magically morphing into the leaner more lithe body you (were now not allowed to admit) you always wanted. </div>
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It makes sense when considered alongside all the positive psychology I avidly believe in. It's basically the same premise as Shawn Achor's happiness advantage - success comes from happiness not the other way around (thin people aren't happier, happier people find it easier to get/stay thin); The Law of Attraction (and other similar less new age versions) advocates 'living as if' and working towards what you do want, not trying to escape what you don't.</div>
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So, whilst trying to pretend that I love my flobberyjobs I continued to pursue ever new ways to get rid of it.</div>
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Most recently by following a year long online coaching program that turned out to be much more about what's on the inside, than the outside and that includes a not-for-the-weak-hearted 6 times a week gym program.</div>
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Which has left me in quite a peculiar place.</div>
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Right now, I am not the lightest I have ever been. I am not the skinniest I have ever been. I am not wearing the smallest sized clothes I have ever owned and I don't have less body fat that I ever have.</div>
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But I am the strongest I have ever been. And the stronger I get, the more I push myself, the leaner I get, the more toned I get and the more my body changes shape. </div>
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Suddenly I understand what it means to love, and to be grateful to and for my body (although I don't think the feeling's mutual after a round of weighted elevated split squats). Sometimes I can hardly believe what it's just been able to do. The weight I've managed to lift at the gym or the yoga posture I somehow managed to bend myself into, and then hold. Yes, I can now even do the yoga I always wanted to but never managed to, um, manage before. I am more flexible and more confident, I have more stamina and I love challenging myself to go just a little bit further every time.</div>
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I've still got rolls, but I've also got muscles I never even knew existed before and the more I focus on those, the more those rolls get less roly. I may not ever learn to love the rolls, but I certainly love the rest.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE58ptiE_aaOevuXOhGXPdJG-Q5M_oG1SeFG-u0Luw4Mlq4gLurmF802yZCKWW0PYcK0YfnIn6_n9DdiF9bjkcE_bYbD2cVHAtohOPELS1rK3baHrPnCVnrzTMbXfRb10g6lP65riO5vE/s1600/image+(8).jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE58ptiE_aaOevuXOhGXPdJG-Q5M_oG1SeFG-u0Luw4Mlq4gLurmF802yZCKWW0PYcK0YfnIn6_n9DdiF9bjkcE_bYbD2cVHAtohOPELS1rK3baHrPnCVnrzTMbXfRb10g6lP65riO5vE/s1600/image+(8).jpeg" height="240" width="320" /></a>So, it turns out I had it all wrong in the first place. I was entirely chasing the wrong goal. It is not about trying to get skinnier. It's not about trying to lose weight. It's about getting stronger. I can't control what the scales do, but maybe I don't need to care about that anyway.</div>
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What I can do is get off my butt, get to the gym, lift those weights a little bit heavier than before and high five myself for being so damn awesome.</div>
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Strong is SO the new skinny.</div>
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Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-68421947044056049092014-10-04T20:44:00.000+01:002014-10-04T20:45:13.292+01:00The naggy draggy side of bloggingThe problem with writing a blog is that when I'm not writing, I feel guilty about it.<br />
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The problem with having two blogs is that guilt doubles.<br />
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It's not that I feel bad about not having anything to write about, that doesn't really bother me. If I don't have anything much to say at any point then so be it, I'll wait until something crops up.<br />
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The problem is more about having too much to say - ha, who knew, me having a lot to say!? ;)<br />
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The thing is, when I know I've thought of something I'd like to write about, but for whatever reason I haven't yet put finger to keypad, it just sort of hangs over me. And then it builds up, and up into this really annoying, anxious naggy, draggy feeling that I 'should' be writing.<br />
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Which is really not the point at all - I don't NEED to write anything. There is no SHOULD about it. I'm not being paid for it, it's not my job, I don't have a huge raft of subscribers baying for more (although I have had one anonymous post demanding an update). Since the point of this blog in the first place was about exploring the area of happiness and whatnot, feeling a sense of duty, guilt and shoulding all over the place about it kind of ruins the point.<br />
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But it happens nonetheless.<br />
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And the problem with that is it creates a kind of blockage. That one post that doesn't make it onto the screen creates a barrier behind which every other post I think of builds up. For some reason, I get complete blog paralysis. On my Feeding Happy blog I have about 15 posts stored up ready to write from the last month or so. Which is ridiculous, because I now actually can't remember the recipes or anything about the food I want to write about. Which means I'm still not writing them until I try to remember/find what it was I did in the first place.<br />
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It becomes this huge insurmountable scary mountain of a task.<br />
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And I completely forget my own advice.<br />
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Like any huge looming massive job, the key is to break it down. Managing to get through all those backed up posts is pretty daunting, but just writing a quick little post about something new that has cropped up is totally doable.<br />
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And the funny thing is, as soon as one post is out, they just keep flowing. This is the fourth I've written today and I can hardly type fast enough to get it finished so I can get onto the next one.<br />
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The dam is down, the floodgates are open, I'm on a roll and am destined not to shut up again for a very long time.<br />
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Sorry about that.Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-16591336098710254912014-10-04T18:54:00.000+01:002014-10-04T20:26:11.291+01:00Blue Mind<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8Q1H8RV1Q3kTxP_m5uJywTI-pYOZiaYa7uDhuS8aqyNVFGtRQo8vLVnA3-_pCkGvHp2KAjvsKLncJQ6RbzLCjuXu95pnKv3VywNX6ZnWE6yz_A_JyxcO7XY3DM0Zw4tn9t_yq0C1FFSE/s640/blogger-image--764582200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8Q1H8RV1Q3kTxP_m5uJywTI-pYOZiaYa7uDhuS8aqyNVFGtRQo8vLVnA3-_pCkGvHp2KAjvsKLncJQ6RbzLCjuXu95pnKv3VywNX6ZnWE6yz_A_JyxcO7XY3DM0Zw4tn9t_yq0C1FFSE/s320/blogger-image--764582200.jpg" width="320" /></a>I have often wondered if perhaps I used to be a fish. Or a dolphin. Or another equally aquatic being.<br />
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Ever since I can remember I have loved water. Being in, on, near, or under it. On holidays as children my brother and I would spend hour upon hour in the water, one of my favourite things about living in Maidenhead is the river and whenever we visit Alex's parents I never tire of walking up and down the bank looking out to sea. Whenever I'm feeling uptight, cutting through cool water and having a good swim totally resets my mood.<br />
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I should probably point out at this point, that in a cruel twist of something or other, I am also massively sea sick - but we'll just over look that for the minute, or it spoils my point.<br />
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This summer, I didn't go abroad, but it <br />
was one of the nicest, most relaxing and fulfilling summers I can remember - probably helped rather a lot by the fact I had 6 weeks off. And the amazing weather we had. But aside from that I think it has a lot to do with the amount of time I spent in, near or on the water.<br />
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I sat by, walked along and swam in the <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1MrdDNM3frzDnHbms4ihWDlkWUSOK9NPRvdMcR6qbs1EiU0WZ8Q8jfzsLGNxWHS3fzWBu6VKTl0wfBqHn40Y4_zKj_utpTXPWU0GEtF9uwLV4rS1nhtB2VOp0gqDDIxO3d9t1EMy8dEk/s640/blogger-image-1861369096.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1MrdDNM3frzDnHbms4ihWDlkWUSOK9NPRvdMcR6qbs1EiU0WZ8Q8jfzsLGNxWHS3fzWBu6VKTl0wfBqHn40Y4_zKj_utpTXPWU0GEtF9uwLV4rS1nhtB2VOp0gqDDIxO3d9t1EMy8dEk/s320/blogger-image-1861369096.jpg" width="320" /></a>sea in three entirely different parts of the UK. I even sat and watched a seal swimming along on one occasion. I kayaked up the river and lounged by and in a lake. I floated about in a swimming pool and bobbed around a harbour in a little boat.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTZ0KC_VAKX_1YCXcDAyrSqXcq4H85FjALy3GHCuKySnnT-9PdMrh95PwByvMkYlOTdGUU0tmEdd1Ekdqo3-y_ju_xigbX5372wcloNIrRln_qSJYwwz3HJ2y6t0loamSdMGDkLLyAIaA/s640/blogger-image--407209099.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTZ0KC_VAKX_1YCXcDAyrSqXcq4H85FjALy3GHCuKySnnT-9PdMrh95PwByvMkYlOTdGUU0tmEdd1Ekdqo3-y_ju_xigbX5372wcloNIrRln_qSJYwwz3HJ2y6t0loamSdMGDkLLyAIaA/s320/blogger-image--407209099.jpg" width="320" /></a>There is something about water that just changes my mood entirely and almost instantly. I can't really describe it other than to say it's a real "aaaaaahh" moment. It is so relaxing and restorative. It's so real and honest and natural. It's impossible to feel stressed or to get bored just staring at water. I suppose, what I'm really trying to say is that water just makes me feel so happy, in a lovely quiet content, grounded sort of way. <br />
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Water has this amazing power to still the mind and point out how wonderful life is.<br />
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For me, anyway.<br />
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And it seems I'm not alone. After I was reflecting on this out loud, Alex found an article in The Guardian about a book called <i>Blue Mind: How Water Makes you Happier, More Connected and Better at What You Do</i> by Wallace J Nichols. One for the list I think.<br />
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I have to say though, I think my brother would probably beg to differ with the premise of the book. Having spent the last 3 weeks sailing the most ridiculous stormy seas I'm sure he would argue that water, rather than make you better at stuff, makes it entirely impossible to do anything at all without falling over or bumping into something, thus making you anything but happier. Stepping onto dry land again (and waiting for the ensuing weird rolling sensation to die down) might in fact make him a teeny bit happier.<br />
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So, perhaps its like everything in life, everything in moderation.<br />
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For me though, I've yet to have my fill.<br />
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And I'm still convinced I used to be dolphin. Blue mind or not.<br />
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Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-73860820724338070572014-06-13T11:15:00.000+01:002014-06-13T19:19:29.763+01:00Everything changes but youThis is not the post I imagined writing next.<br />
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When I wrote my last post I was full of the joys of achievement, reflecting on the progress I'd made over the last 12 months . My glass was literally overflowing. I was loving the gym, loving the results, loving life in general and looking forward to continuing my journey. <br />
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Last week I had my final teaching observation and ticked a lot of the 'outstanding' boxes, I had the results back for my last 2 assignments (both As), handed in the final assignment for my PGCE and my first after school languages club was a great success.<br />
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I was looking forward to a trip to the seaside, a long walk and a generally lovely weekend basking in the glory of it all.<br />
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Then somebody drove into the back of me.<br />
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Now I'm signed off work, stuck at home with whiplash and sciatica as a result. <br />
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And I've been told not to do any exercise of any description. That my goal should be to get back in the gym in 8 weeks...not be back up to full speed in 8 weeks, but to first step foot back in the gym to start building up to full speed.<br />
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I am devastated.<br />
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It's taken me a year to get to this place, not to mention the years and years it took to get to the place I started this year from and now I've got to sit out for 8 weeks. That might not seem that much of a big deal but it is basically 48 workouts missed and then another who knows how many pansying around trying to build it all back up again. So it is a big deal to me, and to my waistline, and my motivation and my sense of self and my progress and my momentum and...<br />
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So here I am faced with a bit of an uneasy dilemma type thing. Here I am, this quite positive upbeat person, in danger of calamitous thinking, but this is rubbish and I want to moan, even though I know it won't help. My last post was about being able to fill the glass back up when you're in danger of getting down...yeah, except I'd already discovered that my glass gets filled up by keeping active and going to the gym and now that's specifically what I absolutely cannot do. I've also noticed that since I'm not going to the gym and being all bouncy and active and jolly, my eating has gone a bit southward as well.<br />
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Hmmm.<br />
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This tells me a few things. That my attachment to the gym is possibly as unhealthy as my attachment to food in a way. I need to find a more healthy relationship with it, turns out I'm a bit too dependent on it for all manner of things, including my identity...it needs to be a part of it, not all of it. I need to reframe it so that I go to the gym because I'm me, not I'm me because I go to the gym. It's a bit ridiculous that everything else I value falls apart just because I can't go to the gym and am feeling a bit sorry for myself. I need to find a way of internalising the whole healthy eating part of things as just a big a part of who I am as the exercise thing so that it can carry on going even when the gym bit can't - and especially when the gym bit can't. Ironically, with a body full of inflammation eating well is even more important than the rest of the time. <br />
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Me thinks a little more 'inscaping' is required.<br />
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Having sat and thought about it for a few moments, I realise that all that moaning and harrumping feels a bit weird. It's not really me. It's something I used to do a lot of but I didn't really like it and as soon as I realised quite to what extent I was doing it, I stopped. It's that old story again. Why is it that when something happens to knock me off course a little bit I revert to the old story of me and not the new one...or the original one actually that just got drowned out by the old one? It's like there are two tracks on the 12" and the slightest bump knocks the needle off the energetic, positive gym bunny track onto the whinging woe is me fat grump track. Weird. Or not, haven't figured that bit out yet.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">me!</td></tr>
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But it is quite refreshing to note that actually, despite how quickly everything changed, I am still the me I'd <br />
been quite enjoying getting to know.<br />
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That me says, it could have been worse. Much worse. It is only 8 weeks and hopefully the progress I've made to date will assist any recovery. Had I not been signed off and made to sit still I would probably have got straight back into things far too soon and too intensely and just made everything worse. As soon as the sciatica eases off enough I can get walking. I love walking and don't get as much opportunity for it as I used to. Now's my chance to correct that. Fingers crossed my physio agrees!<br />
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And I'm just going to have to make eating the new gym. I'm going to treat mealtimes like my workouts. They're going to be carefully thought out and mindfully executed, designed for maximum recovery and nutrition and minimal lardacious self loathing. And delicious. I shall eat when I'm hungry, eat slowly, eat well, and drink plenty of water and green tea (for a change). <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">me, beating this thing!</td></tr>
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But I'm also going to be a bit kinder to myself. I think it's ok to feel a bit fed up about all of this. It's ok to eat a few commiseration cakes. But not every meal and not forever. The time for weepy wallowing is up! But it's also ok if I get a few meals wrong, I know I'm not going to make perfect choices every single time but at least I can set the intention and give it a good go. I also know some days are going to hurt more than others. Some days I'm going to be more knackered than others. Some days I'm going to feel better or worse. I'll just have to ride them out and see what happens. I also know the scales will go up (they already have) but to just try and ignore them. And the workouts will have to be scaled back a lot when I finally get back in the gym...but maybe seeing how well I can progress them again can be my new challenge when it comes to that.<br />
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To hold myself accountable, as that does really work, I'm going to create a separate page on here to log how I'm doing: What I'm eating, what activity I've been able to do, that kind of thing. I suspect it will be intensely boring for everybody else hence it shall sit on its own little page somewhere else so as not to clog up the blog proper. Feel free to read it as some kind of non-medicinal insomnia cure.<br />
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In the meantime, I'm off to ice my neck, this typing malarkey hurts. Must find more whiplash friendly blogging position...<br />
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**Update** Feeding Happy is now live and accessed via tab above in pages bar :)<br />
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<br />Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-66172074649753041952014-05-30T11:28:00.000+01:002014-05-30T11:28:00.081+01:00Filling the glass<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/t1.0-9/p480x480/10372604_10152513534084124_8144769497423345917_n.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/t1.0-9/p480x480/10372604_10152513534084124_8144769497423345917_n.png" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I saw Shawn Achor (amazeballs psychologist with loads of cool stuff to say about happiness) in a chat thing with Oprah Winfrey the other day. She was asking him about optimism/pessimism, glass half full or half empty stuff, and he said <b>why does it matter either way as long as you can fill it back up again?</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I love that. That really is the whole point isn't it...getting back up and at 'em and finding ways to fill the glass back up again.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So I was thinking about <b>what helps me fill my glass back up when it's running on low</b> and it struck me that sometimes happiness is actually quite counter intuitive.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">No, I'll rephrase that. To people who are naturally fit, healthy and happy it's all very obvious stuff. To somebody not quite so naturally that way disposed, <b>sometimes what you THOUGHT makes you happy, turns out to be the stuff chipping a little hole in that glass letting all the good stuff leak out.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For example, I'm pretty sure I used to think that literally filling my glass, many times. Many, many times, made me happy. Clearly it actually made me throw up and embarrass myself in all manner of ways instead. Don't get me wrong, I'm not/never have been an alcoholic, just a teenager / London media type / human,and I still do love a drink (or several). On occasion. As part of the occasion...not as the actual be all and end all of the occasion. Now it comes as a side dish served alongside my happiness rather than being the starter, main course and dessert.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Which brings me to another thing. Yep, you guessed it. Food. Now I know there has always been a mahoosive link in my brain between food and happiness. Not necessarily a bad thing, we are programmed to think like that about food to a certain extent. But me, and actually most of my family, have been guilty of taking that to the limits on far too many an occasion. Again, food becomes the occasion as opposed to something you eat and enjoy as part of that occasion. Food becomes an excuse for an occasion, a manner of celebrating...or commiserating, or eeking out a good day. So many occasions in my family have a particular food linked to them. Party tea. Popcorn. Peanuts. Custard and Cream. Fish and Chips. Take aways. Family Roasts. I could go on.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjftwj7zAkLEyAGNMh5nB4SQNhSxuL5dLjzXgAKNjYTs6GYb-K0s9jpyzWYJQs6RnNHrQ3gQMTTeuDg2tTdB0Ldo9K1_JyOnIGyh-dkY9xQ-OSduAw3d28gi3c1ZT_tZpNdPrTbxZ7mvQg/s1600/image%5B1%5D.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjftwj7zAkLEyAGNMh5nB4SQNhSxuL5dLjzXgAKNjYTs6GYb-K0s9jpyzWYJQs6RnNHrQ3gQMTTeuDg2tTdB0Ldo9K1_JyOnIGyh-dkY9xQ-OSduAw3d28gi3c1ZT_tZpNdPrTbxZ7mvQg/s1600/image%5B1%5D.jpeg" height="200" width="110" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">it's in the jeans</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And then there's spending money on nice stuff...surely that's got to make you happy? Well, depends. On how much stuff. How much money. Any why you're doing it. A new pair of skinny jeans to show off all the hard work at the gym (ahem, that might have just happened)...ok, yep, that's part of a happiness boost from achievement. But piles and piles of unnecessary crap that you can't afford and that's now clogging up the house (erm, ok so guilty as charged with that one too), that's just trying to buy happiness lacking elsewhere....I know that because that's what I did.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Consumption in general doesn't really seem to do it.</b> It engineers a fake sort of high for a split moment, but leaves a big stinking hole of regret or something lurking behind it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So what does work then? I had a look at my 'Happier' app to see what most of the happy moments I'd shared were linked to. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Guess what? Not a single one of them was about buying stuff. Or eating lard. Champagne was mentioned in celebration of a new job. Food was mentioned a lot, but in terms of healthy happy nice natural soul boosting stuff...not self loathing cheese topped lardacious stuff. Slight aside, my mum and brother refer to the food I eat now as 'gravel'. They mean stuff like quinoa and bulgar wheat and an unexpected added benefit of eating healthier gravel, means my brother doesn't even bother looking in my fridge to see what he can nibble on when he comes round. ha!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyway, I also spotted lots and lots of mentions of nature, being outside. That didn't surprise me, I've always been an outside freak. A gravel eating, outside freak, that's me. Spending time with friends and family, also up there. Doing well at work/school (same thing these days) defo keeping that glass full too.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>But interestingly, the thing that got the most mentions was not eating and drinking, wasn't having fun, wasn't chilling out or holidays. It was going to the gym.</b></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQFsQj6CR8pR_uRByN8kEcCDtqbt7bV4e6SPG7DeSVcoVBF6eCuhIz3doAuoT92xX63N0a2Iobm3Wl2YqryeNJvU4go4azGB6BRO2XU3m2Ws4y1ORELIgVRMTxfSG8FMfmNm7crN8zKYM/s1600/image%5B1%5D.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQFsQj6CR8pR_uRByN8kEcCDtqbt7bV4e6SPG7DeSVcoVBF6eCuhIz3doAuoT92xX63N0a2Iobm3Wl2YqryeNJvU4go4azGB6BRO2XU3m2Ws4y1ORELIgVRMTxfSG8FMfmNm7crN8zKYM/s1600/image%5B1%5D.jpeg" height="200" width="164" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So back to the counter intuitive. Going to the gym is basically sweaty pain. Yet it's my number one happiness inducer. In a nutshell, where all the other old days stuff makes me feel a bit depressed and like somebody I don't want to be,<b> going to the gym makes me feel like me</b>. Like the me I really am, like the me I want to be. And that makes me happy. I stick my earplugs in, turn the music up and off I go. It's physical, it's energetic, there's an element of 'flow', there's achievement, goals and learning new stuff. It's perfect. Sweaty, painful and calloused finger inducing, but perfect.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">None of this should really surprise me. In fact it doesn't. Because I knew all of this already from all the reading and whatnot I do about positive psychology. <b>But knowing something and experiencing it are two very different things</b>. Reading somebody else's account of happiness and taking the time to work out your own, again, are two different things.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So now you know mine, but yours might be different...so here's a challenge. Stop reading this, shut down the computer and go out and do something that makes you happy. <b>Start noticing what makes you happy, and do more of it.</b> Test out a few theories, challenge yourself, try something you always told yourself you hated <b>(ask anybody, I "am not an exercise person", only turns out I am</b>)...what are you missing out on that you actually love but just don't know it yet?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Next time you notice your glass is dangerously near to half empty, don't dwell on it. Instead ask yourself, how can I fill it back up again? Then go do it.</b></span><br />
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Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-76204194871880990972014-05-29T13:31:00.000+01:002014-05-29T13:31:45.657+01:00On reflection<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The last year has gone by so quickly. I find time always does fly by, but nothing compared to the last 12 months or so, I literally don't know where it has gone.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And it's been not just a very fast year, but a very busy year, full of newness and change. Fast change, but change that felt so painfully slow at the same time somehow. I don't know how that works, but that's just how it felt.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's been a relentless year of ridiculously hard work. It's been hard for many and often unexpected reasons. Harder than I expected in some ways, but easier in others.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's been uncomfortable and challenging and at times made me question my sanity. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But worth it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And this is only the beginning.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yet as I approach July, two programs I embarked on at the same time are drawing to an end and, as part of the process, both are calling on an element of reflection, a moment to look back and consider the progress made, the changes, the journey and the next steps.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anybody who knows me will know that one of these areas is of course the on the job teacher training I started last September. But very few people know that at roughly the same time I signed up for a 12 month online fitness coaching program as well. Which might not sound very significant, but it was more than a fitness program, it has been a proper, full blown soul searching, sort your life out inside and out coaching program. So as well as 6 trips to the gym each week there's also been fortnightly habits to learn and daily lessons to complete, tantrums to be had and all sorts. On top of learning to become a teacher, planning, completing my assignments etc etc.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So yes, it's been busy. And having not blogged about either of these things at all, I now feel like I have about 800 posts swirling about in my brain desperate to come out.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For now though, on the subject of reflection, I can't help but notice how different my reactions to both courses seems to be. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From a teaching point of view: I know I'm only just starting out, I know I have loads left to learn and to experience but I am super proud of how well I'm doing so far and know I have loads of potential to be a really great teacher over time. Sometimes I catch myself berating myself for not being better yet, for not knowing it all yet...but mostly I am very forgiving of myself, I'm not too hard on myself. I am still a perfectionist and practically kill myself trying to do the best lesson ever in the whole world for every observation and then get frustrated afterwards with all the ways it could have been better...but that's just because I really want to do the best job I possibly can at this and because I'm just a very reflective person always wanting to learn and improve for next time. Exhausting way to be, but that's me. On balance, my overriding sense at the end of this course is achievement, pride, excitement and hope for the future.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">However, when it comes to the online coaching side of things, the same feelings are there but totally skewed in the other direction. I have glimpses of pride, of feeling strong, of recognising my progress, of revelling in how much I can lift now compared to a year ago, but there's a bigger part of me that says I haven't done enough. I haven't made as much progress as I wanted. I'm not as strong as I wanted. I can't lift as much as I wanted. I haven't lost as much weight as I wanted. I don't look as good as I wanted. The results have been amazing. But not as amazing as I wanted. Which is just ridiculous because actually, the results have been awesome (it's an American program, it's compulsory to say things like 'awesome')...my body is a whopping 50cm smaller than it was last July, nearly 20cm of that from my waist. What's not to love about that!?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It seems to me that I see my teaching thing as something I am doing, but the other is still more intimately linked with who I think I am...uh oh, issues alert.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is interesting to me. It throws up several questions: Did I just want too much? Were my expectations too high? Undoubtedly yes. Did I actually give it my all and follow all the lessons to the tee? No, not really. I especially had a massive blip in March that I'm only just starting to claw my way back out of. Does that matter? Does that make me lazy and useless? Well, actually, no. It makes me human. It shows me that actually this past year I've had a ridiculous amount of stuff going on and at times some of the other stuff just had to take priority. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Am I scared of what happens next when the program comes to an end? Yes. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Do I still have issues around my self image and especially body image? Clearly...or I would be just as proud of my transformation there as I am of my journey towards becoming a teacher. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But I'm getting there.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And I think my reaction to this reaction says the most about how far I've come. Am I going to say oh sod it then and disappear into an ice cream fuelled misery fest? Nope. That's what the old me would have done. The new me puts her pink trainers on and gets back into the gym, lifts heavier than last time and keeps on going. The new me realises you just can't control the results, but you can control the decisions you make and the actions you take. Keep taking those actions and the results will come.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So if that's what I can control, actually, that's what I should be measuring progress on...hard work, good decision making, not my warped view of the end result...there is no end result anyway, it's a lifelong process.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And there's where my two courses collide.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In teaching you're taught to promote and congratulate good decision making in order to effect behavioural change. You're taught to praise the process not the outcome..."oh you've worked so hard on that and kept on going when it got difficult" versus "gosh, what a pretty picture". You're taught to refer to behaviour as just that, not an inherent part of the person..."do you think that was a kind thing to do?" as opposed to "you're so naughty". I know that, I do it all the time with the children.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But perhaps it's about time I learnt to do it with myself as well.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-69563565333751661292014-05-29T12:26:00.002+01:002014-05-29T12:28:12.562+01:00Lighting the touchpaper<div style="direction: ltr; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-top: 0pt; unicode-bidi: embed; word-break: normal;">
<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">I was just thinking to myself that I hadn't posted for ages and came in to find I had in fact written this post way back in September but never published it. So, here it is:</span><br />
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">As I start my teacher training I've been doing a lot of reading around how children learn, what helps them develop and grow and what my role as a teacher in this whole process is going to be.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">Needless to say I'm loving every minute and every word of it.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">My first assignment, about the role of the teacher in developing the exploratory spirit of all learners, has inspired me to share my thoughts on the subject here:</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">A while ago I observed a lesson where there was a little boy, brand new to the class. He hadn’t been in the day before so
hadn’t had the homework. There was no pre-teaching from the teacher to help him
catch up. As soon as the lesson started he felt on the </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">backfoot &</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"> it showed in his body language.
As the class went on the boy realised he actually knew some of the answers, and
it was a subject he loved to learn about. He became more and more animated and
more and more excited, his body language literally opened up as he began to
explore the subject with the others. In his excitement he had his hand up and was jumping up and down making little whimpering noises desperate to make his contribution to the class. The teacher walked past, looked down her nose at him and said
“I can see you, there’s no need to make that silly noise”. And Boom. The
shutters were down, the light went off, the body language closed. He didn’t
move or speak for the rest of the class and he certainly didn’t explore any
further.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">We
may well all be born with a drive to learn, but it’s all too easy for it to be
squashed. Either by life itself, as we learn about things like shame and
embarrassment, we learn to judge ourselves. Or, for others of us, like that little boy, by parents and teachers who just don’t really know any
better, who aren’t armed with the knowledge or tools needed to help it
flourish. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">And
so we end up, according to Carol </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">Dweck</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">, author of <i>Mindset: The new psychology of Success,</i> with two types of people: those
with a growth </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">mindset</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"> and those with a fixed </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">mindset.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">And to boil a whole body of work down, the two mindsets can pretty much be summed up with Henry Fords "whether you think you can, or whether you think you can't, you're probably right".</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">And
if you think you can’t, what’s the point in trying or exploring any
further. If you think you can, that
spirit keeps you going, keeps you progressing</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">And
that’s what we’re looking for really. Progress. It’s what Ofsted are looking
for anyway.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">And
as teachers, our role as defined in our Standards is to promote the
intellectual curiosity that leads to that progress.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">In
fact curiosity and exploration are woven all throughout the Early Years Framework as
well.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">As
teachers we’re aiming to keep, or move all our learners into a growth </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">mindset</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"> and away from a fixed </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">mindset</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"> by:</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">a)
doing </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">everything we can not only to
keep </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">those </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">growing </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">minds </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">flourishing, but </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">also by protecting them from </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">anything at all that might lock </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">them down</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">and</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">b)
to work out the code for the padlocks and break off any chains already
there… bearing in mind the code for each learner will be different.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">Dweck</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"> does seem to simplify this bit
somewhat.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">But
if you think about it, our minds and brains are the most complicated bit of kit
we’ll ever have to use and none of us gets an instruction booklet on how to use it. So in a way I see my role
as a teacher a bit like helping each of my learners write their own mind user’s
manual.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">
</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">The
more I think about all of this and read through the books on my PGCE reading list, t</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;">he more it seems like </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline;">one big
minefield out there. </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;">Every
which way we turn there’s a potential bomb shell. A potential trigger to shut a
learner down.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">Be
it the language we use, the type of praise we give and to whom and when and for
what.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">The
type of assessment we use, what we measure for and what we do with the results</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">What
we as teachers value and what we model ourselves</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">The
feedback we give</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">How
we lay out our classroom</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">Our
behaviour management strategies</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">How
we work with parents and other partners </span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">The
type of questioning we use and we encourage our learners to use</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">How
we plan and use the curriculum</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">The
targets we set, the challenges we put out, the choices we allow our learners to
make for themselves</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid;">And so the list goes on.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid;">But used</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"> in the right way these
bombshells become a powerful armoury…the minefield becomes a rich treasure
chest.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">An
abundant toolkit fool of goodies to help our learners thrive.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">And
within my treasure chest, as I see it, are 3 compartments. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">Me myself, How I teach and What I teach.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">Which
roughly correspond with the teacher roles of Modelling, Conveying, </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">Orchestrating</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"> and Explaining as Guy Claxton lays out in <i>Building Learning Power, </i>and thr</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;">ee of the themes from Development Matters in the EYFS, Positive Relationships, Enabling Enviroments and Unique Child.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">There’s
literally SO much to say within each of these boxes that I could go on for a
week so I’m going to pick one or two key points for each.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">Firstly,
me. I think my first duty to my learners
it to adopt a growth </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">mindset</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"> myself. After all, in the words
of DuBois “children learn more from what you are than what you teach”.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">Secondly.
Even as I was writing this I realised that the main point about how I teach and
what I teach, is that that’s not the point at all. Rather it’s about how and
what my learners learn. I mustn’t do all
the thinking for them, I needn’t have all the answers, but instead use and
encourage those higher level questions that encourage expansive and exploratory
thinking beyond right and wrong…and create a safe risk taking environment for
that to flourish, and then praise accordingly, avoiding at all costs that
‘gilded cage’ that </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">Dweck</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"> talks about. How I use
assessment is important but more important is that the learners can self and
peer assess, know how they’re getting on and what to do about it. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">And
in terms of what I teach, well why not ask the learners what they want to
learn? One teacher I’ve observed always starts a new project by jumping to the
end of term quiz as a fun way for the class to explore their existing knowledge
together and then come up with ways to fill the gaps and decide together what
they want to learn next. I also think it’s important that we give all
learners time to discover themselves, their own strengths, their own learning
styles. That’s why </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">free-flow</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"> play is so important in early
years and why encouraging collaborative play is not always the right thing to
do…solitary play is just as important in developing an exploratory spirit.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">And
then as well as modelling, there’s explicitly learning to learn and thinking
skills. This could be through something as simple as having 6 coloured hats in
each classroom to represent De Bono’s 6 thinking hats and inviting learners to
try on different hats to find new perspectives and new ways of approaching the
issue at hand…I’ve seen this done to great effect.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">So,
if I’m getting it right, it’s not about me at all. It’s about “us”.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">What
I need to do is light the touch paper and get out of the way!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">A
bit like a </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">pyrotechnician if you like...light the fuse and watch the fireworks dazzle and shine. Get it wrong and it all blows up in your face. Or at the very least you dampen the fuse and put out the flame.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">Yeats is quoted as saying "</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;">education
is not the filling of a bucket but the lighting of a fire”, and before him Plutarch posed that "the mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be ignited".</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial;">But to light a fire, to open the treasure chest, we need a match. A key.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial;">And as much as I love Carol Dweck's work and her Mindset book, I think she is missing something that Barbara Fredrickson captures with her work on the Broaden and Build Theory.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial;">According to Fredrickson, it's positive emotions that open our minds right up like a water lily,</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline;"> so we can literally see the bigger picture, beyond the immediate horizons of
our own situation. Her research is
grounded in positive psychology, essentially the science of optimum human
flourishing a</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;">nd positive psychology tells us
that people</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline;"> who experience more positive
emotions are more optimistic and more creative. They exhibit more resourcefulness, more resilience, and more reciprocity and reflexive skills, otherwise known as the 4 key Rs of of Guy
Claxton’s learning powered brain.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">And the reason this happens is because positive emotions send dopamine flooding round our brains,
lighting up all our learning centres and putting us in an optimum state for
learning. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">Without it, our brains are pretty much closed for learning.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">So
we can teach thinking and learning skills and encourage exploratory thinking
but if our learners are too hot, too cold, tired, hungry, sad, scared or bored, their brains will be closed and it just not going to go in.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">I
think Claxton and Lucas go some way to addressing this with their ever evolving
model of real world intelligence where they put 'presence of mind' right in the centre of everything else. Without it, everything else falls apart.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">For me, this is why </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline;">programs
like the Tools of the Mind early childhood curriculum described by Paul Tough
in How Children Succeed, the Penn and then the UK Resilience Programme, SEAL,
Healthy Minds, ELSAs and other programs that teach ‘soft’ skills like mindfulness, focus and self control </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline;">etc</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
are key here. In fact Tough argues these are far more important than the more
cognitive skills in determining whether a child will exhibit a curious spirit and I'd be inclined to agree with him.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">But
I also propose a step further. I would set the whole model within a frame of positivity.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">So,
as teachers, if nothing else, our role in ensuring the exploratory spirit of
all learners is fully developed, is to fill our classrooms with positivity, to
give our learners what psychologist Shawn </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">Achor</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"> terms “the Happiness Advantage”.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; language: en-GB; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-color-index: 1; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 12.0pt; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #404040; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text1; mso-style-textfill-type: solid; mso-text-raise: 0%; vertical-align: baseline;">And
there are plenty of ways we can do that, but that’s a whole other post.</span></div>
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Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-68066845678340601202014-01-02T13:27:00.000+00:002014-01-02T13:27:23.772+00:00This year I vow to...So, it's that time of year again. As in the start of a new one.<br />
<br />
<b>I never know how I really feel about this time of year.</b> There's a sense of<b> hope for the year ahead</b> but a sense of burden around the work that'll need doing for that hope to come to fruition. There's a <b>warm glow</b> left over from all the merriment of Christmas and New Year celebrations, coupled with a tinge of <b>sadness that it's all over</b> for another year. Did we enjoy it as much as we could? Did we do everything we wanted to? Does it matter that I fell asleep before midnight on NYE for the first time ever!?<br />
<br />
Part of me wants to tear down all the Christmas decorations, now gathering dust, fling open the windows and let the new year in properly and afresh. And part of me wants to put Elf on the TV, feast on chocolate oranges, invite the whole family round for games and pretend it's still December.<br />
<br />
Instead, in the midst of this strange dilemma, I find myself doing neither, instead sitting here in my pyjamas at well past midday not quite being able to bring myself to do anything useful at all. Apart from making a healthy smoothie and chucking yesterday's leftovers in my new slow cooker in my first attempt at slow cooker soup. Could be interesting.<br />
<br />
I have a list of 'stuff' that 'needs' doing today. Vegging out (again) was not on it.<br />
<br />
And then there's that whole <b>new year's resolutions </b>thing niggling away at me.<br />
<br />
I'm not sure I've ever made a new year's resolution. I hate new year's resolutions. For three reasons.<br />
<br />
1. Because <b>I don't understand why we have to wait for the first day of a new year to make changes for the better</b>. There is never a perfect time for anything and hanging around waiting for 1 day out of 365 to start doesn't seem very sensible to me. The right time is now, whenever now is. Baby steps, all year round. Little by little, that's how changes are made. Not grand gestures on Jan 1st. Plus change is about evolution isn't it? About moulding and adapting as you go...not blindly trying to stick to something daft you came up with on a whim on Jan 1st.<br />
<br />
2. Because they don't work. There's loads of research and science out there (which I'm too lazy to look up and reference right now) that shows how and why <b>new year's resolutions fail.</b> Mostly because the goals we set are normally too rigid and unrealistic. Too big and not at all practical. And because we seem to have this all or nothing approach. For example, somebody who's never before set foot in a gym vows to sign up and go 4 times a week. Which they do. For a week. Before realising that was ridiculous and they cant't keep it up so they stop altogether and eat a giant Toblerone to console themselves. Maybe a better idea would have been to vow to walk for 5 minutes a day a few times a week. Then 10minutes, then when that becomes a habit, add in some weights etc. Build on it as you go, scale it back if you get ahead of yourself. <b>Little by little</b>. Build in some room for messing up. Some people work best going cold turkey...but many of us don't. Whatever it is we're vowing to do, chances are we're going to balls it up at least once. Cue the harsh self chat: "I'm SO useless, I knew I couldn't do it. WHY did I have to eat/drink/smoke that!? I've RUINED it now. There's no point, I give up". Or, how about you're human, it doesn't matter. Take it in your stride, pick yourself up and start again?<br />
<br />
and finally, 3. Because <b>new year's resolutions always seem to somehow be so unkind to ourselves</b>. They tend to start from a point of negativity. I'm so fat, I need to stop eating in 2014. I'm so unfit, I'm going to go to the gym 15 times a day. I'm so rubbish with money, I'm going to do a budget and stick to it. Ugh I'm so hungover and disgusting I am NEVER drinking again. etc.<br />
<br />
Self improvement? great. Becoming a little bit better at whatever it is? Fine. Shoulding and needing and musting all over the shop? Not good.<br />
<br />
To me, New Year's resolutions seem to be more about punishment and self loathing than about a fresh start. I'd like them a lot more if they were about being nicer to yourself, not continuing to berate yourself. There's so much pressure. To get it right, to keep going. Yet scientifically we know we're doomed to fail.<br />
<br />
And then I asked myself, why are we setting these resolutions anyway? Why is it we want to lose weight? Why do we want to save money? Why do we want to get fitter? <br />
<br />
I bet, if we asked "why?" enough it'd all boil down to the same answer. To be happier.<br />
<br />
Which of us has honestly never said, "I'll be happier when..."? And anyone who's read my blog before knows that's just not true either. Read Shawn Achor, his Happiness Advantage is all about how that logic is totally the wrong way round. Being happier is what helps you achieve success and not the other way around.<br />
<br />
<b>And with those thoughts mulling around in my head (which reminds me, I forgot to make mulled wine again this year. sigh.), I decided I was going to set myself two new year's resolutions:</b><br />
<br />
<b>1. In 2014 I vow to be nicer and kinder to myself.</b> To not have a nervous breakdown every time I slip, make a mistake, fall behind and get it wrong. I promise to accept imperfect over striving for 'perfect', to give myself a break, to keep my goals, ambitions and expectations realistic and my reactions to not meeting them in check. <b>For 2014 I vow to believe that, and behave as if, I am enough</b>.<br />
<br />
<b>2. In 2014 I vow to be happier. </b> To be grateful every day. To find opportunity in hardship. To smile and laugh and share. To do more of what I know makes me happy and heed less that which does not. To be true to myself so that my thoughts, feelings and actions do not clash, but match. To stop and notice and savour. <b>To cherish every moment so that when I get to this point next year, I can look back and say, wow, 2014, what a happy year that was.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
What about you?<br />
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<br />Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-80461146651693126112013-09-27T16:43:00.002+01:002013-09-27T16:43:25.949+01:00The choice...is yoursI've just seen an article entitled "if being happy is a choice, why are so many of us unhappy?".<br />
<br />
There are many answers to this question and none of them are particularly clear cut.<br />
<br />
But I think the main answer is this:<br />
<br />
<b>Because not all of us know it IS a choice.</b><br />
<br />
This is pretty fundamental in my view.<br />
<br />
and when I say know, I mean really know. Not just on an intellectual level. I mean know and understand and appreciate and assimilate and internalise. And believe.<br />
<br />
And even just <b>getting to that point can be incredibly hard work and take a lot of time.</b><br />
<br />
It takes a huge shift in belief systems and thought processes to get to that point. It takes a lot to go from truly believing things are as they are in your life because of other people, because of circumstance, to believing that even in the face of those things you have the power to react differently.<br />
<br />
It takes courage to be able to get to that point. Because in a way getting to that point means also admitting you previously had the choice to react differently, but didn't. It means considering the possibility that it's not everybody else's fault all of the time.<br />
<br />
The thing about change, is that regardless of whether or not it's a change for the better or the worse, with it comes the loss of 'the before' <b>All change is loss</b>. All change is hard. People become wedded to the way they are even if they don't want to be that way. And this is a big one when it comes to change.<br />
<br />
The best way to help somebody make the choice to be happy, is to help them realise they have that choice in the first place. Once they realise there is a choice, it is much harder to actively choose unhappiness.<br />
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<b>But until that person really, truly, fully embraces the possibility that there is a choice, it's just not theirs to make.</b>Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-56101032706401520932013-09-02T19:31:00.000+01:002013-09-02T21:01:22.813+01:00Stock takingIt's just gone 18.30 on the night before I start my teacher training. About 15 years after I didn't do it the first time I thought of it.<br />
<br />
This time last year I was a month into a brand new job that I turned out to hate and that turned out to hate me just as much.<br />
<br />
This time last month I had just finished another new job as an Early Years Practitioner at a local nursery.<br />
<br />
Funny how time flies and how so much can happen along the way.<br />
<br />
I feel like a lot has happened along the way over the last 18 months. Some of it good, some of it bad and some of it downright ugly.<br />
<br />
I had planned to use today to get myself all ready for tomorrow. Ready in terms of practical things like work out what I'm going to wear, get my lunch all made and pack my bags in advance. Ready in terms of physically; eat well, get enough sleep; keep active but not overdo it - rested but energised. Ready emotionally, if ever such a thing is possible. Relaxed, calm, excited. Reflect on the journey that's got me to this point, take stock of what I've achieved with my time off over the summer.<br />
<br />
And like all the best plans that's not quite what has happened. I've just sat down now having spent pretty much the entire day trying to sort out documents and forms for a rather late in the day DBS check. I can't even bring myself to explain the intricate and totally farcical chain of events that took place, suffice to say the hours spent at the bank, on the computer, yelling at the printer and traipsing to the Town Hall were not part of the original plan.<br />
<br />
BUT, it has served to keep me occupied. A part of me was really scared about today. How was I going to keep myself busy. What, of the million things I could do to prepare myself should I choose? Read my EYFS framework again? Make notes for my assignment? Go to the gym? Watch a film and just relax? Whatever I chose I had a sneaking suspicion I wouldn't be able to shake the feeling that I had therefore chosen NOT to do all the other things and that was making me panic a bit. <br />
<br />
So, on reflection, all has not been lost today. Luckily I had managed to fit in a spot of meditation before the farce began so was able to remain a little calmer than otherwise. And I decided to get up 10 minutes early every day to ground me for the new day ahead as I start this new chapter.<br />
I now know all my documents are sorted for my DBS so I can put that one to bed in my head.<br />
All my uni application forms are filled in and ready for the post box.<br />
All my course info is all printed off and filed neatly.<br />
My new diary and notebooks are in a nice pile ready to pop in my bag tomorrow.<br />
There's a massive roast chicken just out of the oven ready to make into various lunches and dinners for the week ahead.<br />
And I managed to get to the doctors to get some more medicine for this chest infection that won't shift and the sciatica that has noticed stress is in the air so decided to join the party.<br />
<br />
Which brings me to now and the point of sitting here writing this. I wanted to look back and reflect on my August. I put quite a lot of pressure on myself in the lead up to August around all the things I wanted to achieve with my time off.<br />
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I had a list of chores around the house. I had a car to get fixed. I wanted to spend time with friends, especially old friends not seen for a while, and spend time with mum whilst we were both off for the summer. I wanted to get a head start on my reading list for my assignment and I wanted to get my eating and exercise back on an even keel. I also wanted to just be, to get some headspace back before launching myself into my new career.<br />
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Did I achieve everything I set out to? <br />
<br />
No. Of course not.<br />
<br />
The deck in the back garden still isn't oiled. The bathroom cabinet still sits on the floor rather than hanging off the wall. The assignment still looms. The riding stables I had a voucher for has been somewhat elusive and so the ride I'd been looking forward to never happened. And so on.<br />
<br />
On top of that I got ill. I've had a revolting chest infection since pretty much my first day of freedom. And even before that I injured myself at the gym meaning I missed my last week of work at the nursery and setting me 10 days behind on my exercise and chore timetable. I've now got sciatica and aching down both sides too.<br />
<br />
But aside from that, what have I achieved?<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
I've spent time just with myself, just being me. Reading, swimming, watching films. I tried something I've always wanted to try and went open water swimming in the local lake. I picked up something I always used to love for the first time in decades and went on an outdoor sketching workshop. I spent some lovely time lunching with my grandma. I met up with old, current and new friends for walks, for coffee, for lunch, at the swings, just to chat. I embarked on an online coaching programme and am starting to consolidate some great new habits around eating and exercising. As a result I have lost 6lbs and 13cms and gained a load of definition and determination as well as rekindled my love of the gym. And that's just the start. The garden is transformed into a lovely oasis full of plants and loveliness we actually want to spend time in. The front garden too. The spare room has been cleared and sorted and put back together so it now has space for all my teaching and Phoenix bits and bobs and is a lovely place for me to just go and be. All my drawers have had the same treatment, I now know where everything is, a huge relief. I signed myself up as an ambassador for Happiness Happens month, wrote more blog posts than I've ever written before and picked up a load of new followers on The Happy Catalyst and Twitter. I've been for walks and picnics with Alex and I have spent some really lovely time with my mum. Shopping, gardening, craft fairing, lunching, outdoor musical-ing, celebrating her birthday to our heart's content. I couldn't have done much of what I've done without her help, in so many ways. And she's even just brought round my very own pale blue bunny mug for the staff room...what more could I possibly need?</div>
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<br />
So I say goodbye to my August, my summer, my time off with a touch of sadness that it's all come to an end, but with much more of a sense of achievement, of contentedness, of gratitude, of satisfaction and of feeling blessed for all that it brought.<br />
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And while the year that lead to August was a bit of an odd one, with plenty of twists and turns and ups and downs, I am grateful that it's lead me to here. To 19.05 the night before I start my teacher training, 15 years since I first thought of it. The night before I go back to school again in more ways than one.<br />
<br />
The night before the rest of my life.<br />
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I still don't know what I'm going to wear, but I do know, having now spent the time to sit and reflect, that I'm ready.<br />
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Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-9176673502076043442013-08-28T22:26:00.003+01:002013-08-28T22:42:44.777+01:00What Madonna knew about happinessAs much as I love Madonna (and I mean LOVE), it's not often that I find myself drawing upon her lyrics for inspiration of any kind, let alone for this here blog. I say often, in fact, ever. It is not something I ever envisaged myself doing.<br />
<br />
Yet, here I am on day 28 of Happiness Happens month, about to do it.<br />
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Today is my mum's birthday and we put our full efforts into celebrating in the appropriate fashion, as we always do. It felt like a really lovely holiday all day as we sat in the sun, swam in an outside pool (in England, a rare opportunity), drifted along the river on a boat...aaah, lovely.<br />
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So you'll understand why 'Holiday, Celebrate' popped into my head.<br />
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In the song 'Holiday', <b>Madonna suggests we should all take some time out of life just to celebrate</b>. To forget about all the bad times and the problems and just celebrate all the good stuff. Bring back the happy days. Why? Because that would be so nice. (I am actually singing these lyrics in my head as I'm typing them by the way!)<br />
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It would be SO nice.<br />
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And she's right, it really would. <b>It would be more than nice, it would....release the pressure.</b> She knew that too.<br />
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<b>We are so pre-programmed to notice and dwell on rubbish stuff that it's too easy not to stop and take time to celebrate the good stuff.</b><br />
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And I don't just mean birthdays, anniversaries and the like, I mean little every day things too.<br />
<br />
My family do celebrating like it's going out of fashion. If there were an olympics in celebrating things, we would enter. <b> I think it is SO important to recognise, acknowledge and celebrate any positive you can get your little mitts on</b>. A passed exam, a good day at the office, an extra weight added at the gym, a birthday, a reunion, a weekend, an evening, a sunny morning...whatever you can get your hands on.<br />
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I've heard many people say something like "oh, I don't really do birthdays/valentine's day/insert excuse for celebrating here" and I don't understand it. <b>They may as well as be saying "oh, I don't do life"</b>.<br />
<br />
Why not take every possible excuse for feeling good and having fun and celebrating each other as possible? In whatever way. I don't mean throwing huge parties and getting drunk and eating too much...although certain celebrations may also call for that..<b>.I mean stopping and spending time together, dwelling on whatever it is that you're celebrating</b>, letting whoever's good news it is know how proud you are of them.<br />
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We often wait for that big pinnacle of success before we celebrate. The big new job, the magic number on the scales, the golden wedding anniversary, the 4,000 A*s at GSCE or whatever other thing we're aiming for tomorrow.<br />
<br />
<b>What if tomorrow never comes? What if we're so busy heading for that big golden goal in the sky that we miss all the little signs along the way that we're already winning? </b> What about that interview you rocked (regardless if you got the job). What about that habit you stuck to all week (even if the stupid scales didn't shift). What about every day you wake up together and smile (even if you never make it to the big 50). What about all the effort and the hard work and the late nights spent studying, even if you didn't quite make the grade.<br />
<br />
It's one thing being grateful for 3 things every day but surely we can do even better than that.<br />
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<b>Life is so precious. Surely the least we can do is to do as Madonna says and, just once in a while take some time to celebrate it.</b><br />
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It really would release that pressure. It really would be SO nice.<br />
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<b>Because happiness happens when we take time to celebrate the little things as well as the big.</b><br />
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<br />Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-57981081326338216842013-08-24T18:07:00.002+01:002013-08-24T22:34:20.648+01:00Nevermind the lights and the camera, just take action<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's rainy. My head is full of cold. My tummy is full of last night's chinese. I'm pretty sure I can feel a little twinge in a muscle somewhere if I think about it hard enough. I just want to curl up on the sofa and watch TV.<br />
<br />
But I have a gym workout scheduled.<br />
<br />
I don't want to go.<br />
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At all.<br />
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In the slightest.<br />
<br />
I have absolutely zero motivation to get myself out of the house, through the rain puddles and into my own puddles of sweat. I can think of nothing I want to do less than spend several hours heaving and puffing and panting and straining.<br />
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Despite it being day 24 of Happiness Happens month, I am not at all feeling 'motivated.'<br />
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Mr. Motivator is NOT in my house at all today.<br />
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But, I still go.<br />
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How, I ask myself did I do this? If I can workout how I managed it this time maybe I can bottle it and call upon it next time I want to crawl into a dark hole until long after the gym has shut.<br />
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Here's what I came up with. <b>My top 10 tips </b>to give yourself a kick up the bottom when Mr Motivator hasn't showed up:<br />
<br />
<h3>
<b>1. Find the intrinsic motivator, as opposed to fighting the external stuff.</b></h3>
External motivators are things like reward, pay, rules. Intrinsic motivators are all about you. Or me in this case. My external motivator here was that I was supposed to go today, it's written on my programme that I go today. Whatevs, I could mix up the days and go tomorrow, no biggie. Not very powerful a kick up the bum. The other external motivator is a societal one. Fat/unhealthy people are supposed to go to the gym if they want to get thin and healthy ergo I 'should' go to the gym. Mmm, <b>that has 'should' in it and therefore the only effect it has on me is to make me want to rebel</b> and sit in a bath full of chocolate cake instead.<br />
However, beyond all of that, deeper down somewhere a little voice says 'but you promised me'. It's a quiet voice but I can't help but hear it and I know what it means. I have made a promise to myself that I will maintain my routine and I will be active 5 days out of 6. <b>I have made a promise to myself </b>that wherever <b>I have the choice</b>, I will choose the option that best meets my needs and moves me closer to reaching my goals. My goals are to be stronger, leaner and happier. Whether I like it or not right now, going to the gym is defo going to move me closer along towards my goal than lying down and eating more things. No question.<b> I can't control my fat cells, or the scales, or my muscles, but I can at least try to control my behaviour</b>. I can take action, and as long as I'm doing that I'm fulfilling my promise to myself.<br />
So even while I'm paying lip service to cancelling, or going another day and just hibernating for the day, I'm putting on my gym kit and I know I'm going anyway.<br />
<br />
<h3>
<b>2. Put on your gym kit...or take that first teeny step</b></h3>
It was filling me with fear and loathing in Maidenhead just sitting here thinking about the entire workout. Every rep of every set of every exercise, plus warm up, plus...snoooooooore. It was all a bit much to think about and was really putting me off going at all. All good goal setting advice tells us to <b>break unthinkable massive tasks down into manageable chunks</b>. Great advice. But I'm going one step further. Don't just break it into chunks, identify the <b>one little thing you can do, not just today, but in the next 5 minutes that will help you get where you want to go</b>. In my case, very literally, the very next thing I could do to help me get where I wanted (or not) to go, was to get out of my pyjamas and into my gym kit. An easy step to take but an important one in the right direction. Once I'm all dressed up and ready to go, I'm much more likely to take that next step out of the door and much less unlikely to go backwards, take it all off again and get back into bed.<br />
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<h3>
<b>3. Just show up.</b></h3>
So, here I am in my gym kit. All I have to focus on now is just showing up. Just getting to that gym. Once I'm there I'll do the workout. I'm hardly likely to get there and sit down for a few hours until it's time to go home. Just showing up is the most important part. Even when I was injured and couldn't do my workouts, I still just showed up. I went to the gym and walked very slowly on the treadmill so as to maintain some kind of routine, <b>build up that "I'm the kind of person who goes to the gym regularly" muscle in my mind</b>. Just show up.<br />
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<h3>
<b>4. Don't aim for perfection.</b></h3>
Ok, so I'm not feeling my best, I'm unlikely to perform at my best...I may as well not bother. Incorrect. Bother. Drop the perfection act, it doesn't exist. Give yourself a break and accept that 100% is totally unattainable. Aim for 80% if you have to aim for anything. <b>I gave myself permission to not do my best workout ever today, as long as I showed up</b>.<br />
<br />
<h3>
<b>5. Just try to do/be a little bit better than yesterday.</b></h3>
For me, long term this means not falling down the 'I can't be bothered to go' hole and getting out there anyway. For me today, this meant increasing my weights on one of my exercises. Not all of them, and not by a lot, just a little on just one. Another teeny step in the right direction.<br />
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<h3>
<b>6. Reflect on how far you've come and not how far is still left to go.</b></h3>
At one point this morning it flicked through my mind how pointless and hopeless this all was. <b>As if one stupid little gym workout was going to make any difference in the long run</b>. As if I was ever going to have the fit, lean, size less than it is now body I wanted. Sigh. Then I thought about how far I've already come, I wondered if the 30 year old me would ever believe that the 36 year old me could squat, lunge and deadlift with the rest of them, wearing size not mahoosive gym gear at that. I remembered how hard today's workout was the first time I tried it and how not as hard it is now. And that helped. <b>Every day I notice something</b>: a bit more flexibility here, a bit stronger there, a little more definition the other. I may not have reached the final shining pinnacle of my overall goal, but <b>there are great signs all along the way that I'm heading in the right direction as long as I'm alert to them</b>. But I didn't get to this point by some massive miracle all of a sudden. I didn't just wake up one day like it. I got here by showing up, taking the next little step and every day trying to be or do a little bit better than before. Today was no different, I just needed to do it....<br />
<br />
<h3>
<b>7. Start today</b></h3>
...and, if there was one piece of advice I could give that 30 (or younger!) year old now, it would be to just start today. <b>It doesn't matter how long something will take, the time will pass anyway</b>. There is nothing more disheartening than reaching that time that originally seemed so far off into the future as to almost not really exist, and realising, if you'd just started way back then, you'd be there by now. Instead of still wishing, still hoping, still dreaming. <b>If you'd just taken action, just showed up, just started, you'd be there by now.</b><br />
<br />
Nike were really onto something when they came up with that slogan weren't they?<br />
<br />
<h3>
<b>8. Drive</b></h3>
Dan Pink, in his book Drive, talks about his view of motivation, largely based on<b> Self Determination Theory and the importance of intrinsic motivational factors</b>. He lists the three biggest drivers of human behaviour (and what is motivation if not a driver of behaviour) as: <b>Autonomy, mastery and purpose</b>. What he means by these is a) having a say for yourself b) getting good at something and c) feeling a part of something bigger than yourself. All three of these played a part for me today.<br />
<br />
Knowing that I was choosing to go to the gym because I said so and not because somebody else said so and then giving myself permission to not perform at my best really helped.<br />
<br />
The fact that I'm steadily mastering the moves, getting gradually better is a great motivation.<br />
<br />
Plus, the programme I'm following is also being followed by a whole online community and I want to keep up, I want to chat about it in the forums. I want to feel a part of it. If I don't go, I won't. A gym class or an exercise club would probably have had the same effect. In fact just <b>being surrounded by like minded people all exercising helped</b>.<br />
<br />
<h3>
<b>9. Strength training</b></h3>
Martin Seligman and countless others talk about focusing on your strengths for motivation. Strengths are something that give us energy whether we're great at them or not. <b>When we're using our strengths we don't mind keeping at it, we're less likely to give up</b>. In this instance, my strengths are determination, resilience, stubbornness and competitiveness. I called these into play to argue against and cajole my 'I just want to stay at home today' rebellious streak.<br />
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<h3>
<b>10. Oh go on then, reward.</b></h3>
I promised myself that when I'd been to the gym, if I still wanted to, I could lie on the sofa for the entire rest of the day. I pointed out to myself that <b>I would enjoy the lying on the sofa part a whole lot more if I had actually done something useful and active first</b> and I used that promise as the final push to get me out of the house. It might go against the whole thing about rewards not being the greatest driver, but added to everything else, it was good enough for me.<br />
<br />
So in short, it's simple. Next time you're feeling a bit meh and can't quite summon up the energy you need to do whatever it is:<b> Find your inner drive, ask yourself why you're doing this and focus on that. Work out what you can do in the next five minutes to move you a little bit closer and then do it a little bit better than you did before. Do it for yourself, not anybody else. Summon up whatever strengths you have in your armoury to get you through it.</b><br />
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And then just do it.<br />
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Just take action.<br />
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Just show up.<br />
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<b>And then look back and thank yourself in 5 years that you started today.</b><br />
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<br />Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-81886538154091791502013-08-21T20:33:00.001+01:002013-08-24T22:35:01.637+01:00I can't get no......Oh yes I can!<br />
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<div>
It's day 21 of Happiness Happens month and today's happiness topic is 'satisfaction'. </div>
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I've had a huge long list of 'stuff I want to do when I'm off work in August' for months.</div>
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">The list covers a myriad of tasks. The good the bad and the ugly. Little quick things and big yukky things. From 'phone so and so' to 'get my diet and exercise habits back in order'. </span></div>
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Its been just sort of sitting in my notebook down the side of the sofa leering at me, ready to pounce on me as soon as August arrived. </div>
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Which it obviously did a few weeks ago and I felt really under pressure and panicked that I wasn't going to get all, nay any of it done. And find time to actually relax and enjoy myself at the same time. </div>
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I felt like every time I sat still instead of rushing through the list I was just wasting time so wasn't really able to properly relax. And every time I got the list out it felt a bit hopeless and too much to tackle. </div>
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But I've noticed this week that lo and behold its actually all been slotting into place, slowly but surely. </div>
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<br /></div>
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The tasks are getting ticked off, or crossed off because I can no longer be bothered to do them. They felt important when I wrote them down but actually, there's more important/better things to do with my time. </div>
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<br /></div>
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And most importantly I feel relaxed and relieved, I'm enjoying myself and my time off. A big phew. </div>
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<br /></div>
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For example. My clothes had managed to tie themselves up into a big knotted heap in all my drawers and everything was a big mess. (Ahem, ok, I made the mess, the clothes didn't do it themselves). I never knew where anything was, bikinis in with woolly jumpers and dresses shoved in a heap with shoes. Whenever I found something I wanted to wear it it was all crumpled. I couldn't find half the things I knew I had somewhere. But one day I whacked on the radio, threw it all out onto the floor and put it all back again properly and neatly. Or threw it away. </div>
<div>
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Oh my goodness what a difference. Getting ready every morning is so quick, easy and stress free! The simple things :)</div>
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Every day I've made sure I've tackled one little corner of the list. Some days I've had the whole day spare so have launched head first into a big task. I even wrote "relax" and "have fun" on the list so when I took time to do that I still felt like I was doing something useful not lazy. </div>
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Doing nothing has always seemed lazy boring and a ' waste of time' to me so I have to work extra hard to let myself do it. And enjoy it. </div>
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That said, nothing is more satisfying than getting stuff done. Putting effort into something and reaping the rewards. It's a really, well, satisfying type of happiness and so so much better than feeling the pressure of an as yet unstarted task or the regret of a wasted opportunity. </div>
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I'm glad I made the list to keep me focused but I wish I could learn to trust the process, trust that I will always find the time to do the things that need doing and dump the ones that don't instead of worrying and stressing about everything first. </div>
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But most of all, after a day spent first at the gym (tick), eating well (tick) and then in the garden (tick) I'm very grateful to my mum and grandma for all their help, and very very satisfied with the results. Lovely. </div>
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Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-27510215549593310552013-08-18T20:30:00.000+01:002013-08-18T20:30:50.438+01:00How amusingSo, here we are on day 18 of Happiness Happens Month.<br />
<br />
I haven't written for a few days. My last post was about finding balance between trying to do everything and lying around on the sofa doing nothing. In writing it I stumbled upon a rather large irony. I realised that having accidentally set myself the task of writing a post every day of Happiness Happens month, covering one of the 31 types of happiness every day of the month, I'd unwittingly added a big fat weight on the wrong end of my see saw and was steadily slipping away from my comfortable balance spot towards my 'aaaggghhhh, panic, hide, freak out make it all go away' spot.<br />
<br />
So I decided to redress the balance and stopped writing for a bit. I decided if something came to me I would write it down, but if not, hey ho, nevermind.<br />
<br />
What have I been doing instead? Pleasing myself that's what. Amusing myself however I fancy; with a silly book, a daft TV programme or a visit to meet my mum's new dog.<br />
<br />
Especially the last one.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV_HjlgGUTGruzUPPhPjioF0bejn-WiKbG8N2cNfGlLzqR7OJ4fJHjO0E3DedOSIKefeycKH-8CUwCdYY8b2FT9N-ijsWRywA2ERj0VsVSma10jiipAdufAIQiaHQs9puJ2FTxLQWAnVA/s640/blogger-image-1172670389.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV_HjlgGUTGruzUPPhPjioF0bejn-WiKbG8N2cNfGlLzqR7OJ4fJHjO0E3DedOSIKefeycKH-8CUwCdYY8b2FT9N-ijsWRywA2ERj0VsVSma10jiipAdufAIQiaHQs9puJ2FTxLQWAnVA/s320/blogger-image-1172670389.jpg" width="320" /></a>I indulged in that last one just this morning. The visit went like this: 5 fully grown adults standing around/lying on the floor staring for long periods of time at a tiny ball of black fluff and delighting in every movement/non-movement, whimper, slip and shuffle the little thing made. Her name is Buttons by the way, not 'little thing'.<br />
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I looked around. Everybody was happy. What type of happiness is going on here? I asked myself...Amused, that's it. We are all well and truly amused by this little critter. Even when she's not really doing anything. Her mere existence in the world and in our lounge is utterly amusing to us.<br />
<br />
(Well, to most of us. Lilly, her soon to be long suffering sister and existing resident in the family home, didn't find her in the least bit amusing thank you very much.)<br />
<br />
The puppy's name is pretty amusing too...as was the day long debate that went on before mum settled on Buttons. I think the low point was when my brother suggested 'Twig', or it may have been my 'Storm' idea. Either way, it was all hilariously amusing.<br />
<br />
So, I had my inspiration for the day and I had my post.<br />
<br />
So I got to thinking about this whole being 'amused' thing. It ties in with the posts I've written on being playful and humour. But I think amused is a bit different.<br />
<br />
Being playful is quite sort of active, out and out silly in a lively, physical, joyful way. Buttons was being playful but we weren't really. Unless you count grandma waving a string of plastic sausages at her.<br />
<br />
Humour is specifically about something being purposefully funny, making and laughing at jokes, comedy etc. The dog is pretty funny to watch, but she was rubbish at telling jokes and to be honest her 'stand up' is more wobble over.<br />
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Being amused has a slightly more laid back, passive type of feel to it for me. It's not as roll about funny as funny is.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmcC8InI_T0ocId98NTOSEUy2GJXc4KCUmTAZFAgQe0huMq3W8IKe-aOML0oBf1j5gDUDhQE-1mFI9b8f-OCxTXW_BADiqDfOPuNZefYMigsSVqNuSGoX5lw9iVt_H1WditoGPETlUh0A/s640/blogger-image--601596368.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmcC8InI_T0ocId98NTOSEUy2GJXc4KCUmTAZFAgQe0huMq3W8IKe-aOML0oBf1j5gDUDhQE-1mFI9b8f-OCxTXW_BADiqDfOPuNZefYMigsSVqNuSGoX5lw9iVt_H1WditoGPETlUh0A/s200/blogger-image--601596368.jpg" width="200" /></a>But it's also conversely a more active process for us the beholder. The thing in question isn't necessarily amusing, but the way we see it is. We're able to look at something that isn't innately on purpose funny, and see the funny in it. The dog wasn't trying to entertain us, but we found her to be amusing...we did that in our own heads.<br />
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Which just goes to show that a lot of this happiness stuff is in our own heads and we have the choice, the power to conjure it up ourselves. If we can make an innocent little dog just doing it's thing amusing (even when she weed. And even when I then stood in it with bare feet), then what else can we do it with?<br />
<br />
Whichever way you look at or define it, being amused is a very handy thing to be. Being able to find life's little whims amusing rather than irritating, see the light in or make light of life's serious stuff is a great skill to have.<br />
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The world and the people around us (and in fact us, ourselves) are full of weirdness, silliness, nuance and foible, but only if we can see them and appreciate them as such, allow ourselves to be amused by them. <br />
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There's plenty of stuff to get all serious about and given our natural negativity bias it's all too often easy to get hung up on these so they fill our world and blind us to the other stuff. The nonsense and the fun. We need to find a way to take the boring blinkers off and put the funny specs on.<br />
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People often say "it'd be funny if it wasn't so...", or "that would be funny if it wasn't true". Well, it probably is funny even if it is true, you just have to choose to see it like that. In fact it's probably its being true that makes it so amusing. I think there's something about amusement that suggests a wry knowing sort of feeling. We recognise something in it...that's why seemingly mundane observational comedy about day to day stuff is so funny. Because we know it's true. In fact, it's normally life's crappy bits that comedians get the best material from. So if we can laugh at it with them, what's to stop us laughing at it in real life?<br />
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We're pretty good at laughing at ourselves after the event, so maybe we just need to try a bit harder to laugh at ourselves or the situation during the event. It'll probably make it a lot easier to get through it and move on if we do.<br />
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There are, of course, times when lighthearted froth and amusement, just trying to jolly yourself or somebody else up isn't going to work, and isn't even a good idea. If somebody is really down in some deep emotions, they just need to feel them and being urged to 'cheer up' or laugh at videos of pandas sneezing on youtube is really not very helpful.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk4405L-hFIxbfWvf3WvVpYyxwo9tjSRg6_gFqE6Ojp-OoIJaE6HH2VroRAcRkTWZI2sezjRWHRjQGpmZZVEFL_jejyuginF0qAC4MbHCkt9eGUrIq9FysGqWaadELBcuwtudL73Nd9a0/s640/blogger-image--169130204.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk4405L-hFIxbfWvf3WvVpYyxwo9tjSRg6_gFqE6Ojp-OoIJaE6HH2VroRAcRkTWZI2sezjRWHRjQGpmZZVEFL_jejyuginF0qAC4MbHCkt9eGUrIq9FysGqWaadELBcuwtudL73Nd9a0/s320/blogger-image--169130204.jpg" width="240" /></a>But for all the other times, especially those times when we're just being a bit stubborn and ranting and raving for the sake of it. Desperately trying not to smile or forgive or be amused by anything (we've all done it). Just stop it, get over yourself and see if you can reframe what's happening as something highly amusing that you'll laugh at not just later, but now. I don't know, maybe imagine Michael McIntyre (insert your favourite comedian here) prancing about on stage re-enacting it in his next sketch. Or do a bit of a quantum leap and imagine how much you'll fall about laughing about this when you tell your friends later. Or imagine how funny it'd sound if it were happening to a friend instead of you...nice bit of schadenfreude for you there.<br />
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Sod it, even if it's not in the slightest bit amusing at all, just pretend it is. Fake it 'til you make it and all that.<br />
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Or if all else fails, just buy a Scottie dog puppy. And call it Buttons. That works too.<br />
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<br />Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-23579078426409834402013-08-15T22:46:00.002+01:002013-08-15T22:46:39.064+01:00See saw, marjery dawSo, poor Johnnie can't work any faster.<br />
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<br />Well, I know that feeling.<br />
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But really, Johnnie could probably do with slowing down a bit anyway. All that see sawing back and forth like a headless chicken can't be doing him any good.<br />
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Well, I know that feeling too.<br />
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I spoke yesterday of my penchant for keeping busy and a tendency to overload myself. I have to work really hard at s l o w i n g d o w n. I'm going to guess I'm not alone here.<br />
<br />
Here's an example. I have known for some time that I'm going to have August off work before starting my teacher training. So for the last however many months I have been saying "oh, I'll do that in August when I've got my time off". Apparently I said that quite a lot because my 'time off' has become anything but. I seem to have spent quite a large proportion of the first few weeks of it feeling uptight and panicked rather than relaxed and carefree.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/diary-608185.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="163" src="http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/diary-608185.jpg" width="200" /></a>I'm not saying it would be better to spend the whole time lying down doing nothing, but I expect there's a balance somewhere in between both extremes.<br />
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And so, on day 15 of Happiness Happens month I find myself, not lying down, but writing about that 'balanced' happiness feeling the Secret Society of Happy People talk about as one of their 31 types of happiness.<br />
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In between all the see sawing, I am learning over time to try not to cram my days and weeks and months full of stuff. I'm learning to be more realistic about what I can achieve and compassionate when I don't manage everything I'd hoped to.<br />
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I'm learning that sometimes the best bits are what come from the spaces left in between.<br />
<br />
Take my flower bed for example (stick with me on this one). When the gardeners first did it for us I was hugely disappointed. It looked pathetic and empty. It most certainly did not resemble the bustling, blossoming cottage garden I'd briefed. There were some weedy little bits in between massive great spaces of boring old, nothing to see here mud. They told me to be patient (they didn't know me very well) and to watch and marvel as it grew into it's full potential.<br />
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And well I never, they were right. Had those beds been filled to busting the plants would have been choked and suffocated.Those delicate little plants they first put in needed time and space to grow and to flourish. To bloom and to fulfil their potential.<br />
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<a href="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS0ZBkvULwwIMX3sLXGOwaQatip7XUJ8d-u5jMU0DpHLOONufrp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS0ZBkvULwwIMX3sLXGOwaQatip7XUJ8d-u5jMU0DpHLOONufrp" /></a>And they're not the only ones.<br />
<br />
When I manage to leave some space, it tends to be where the magic happens.<br />
<br />
How are we to grow if there is no space to grow into? Sometimes, our best work happens when we let our foot off the gas a little. Our best ideas come when we stop trying so hard to come up with them and give our brain a break, some head space.<br />
<br />
My old boss and I used to laugh because just when we were at our absolute busiest and stressiest, up against a deadline and absolutely did not have time to have a break, enjoy ourselves or relax (potentially over a bottle of wine. or three), just at that point, we normally ended up in the pub. And somehow or other, got not just our work done, but our best work done.<br />
<br />
So there's a balance to be found, between rushing around like a loony on one end of the see saw, and lying about like a sloth on the other.<br />
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But what about in other areas of life, not just diary/head cramming. I also find myself flying frantically from one end of the see saw to the other in other areas too. Diet (eat like Gwyneth Paltrow one minute, and like a lard choffing horse the next), exercise (enter every sponsored run and swim going, injure myself, lie down a lot) and so on and so forth. It's probably because I try to do too much all at once rather than make little baby steps and get used to them one at a time. Because I want to see results now (did I mention the impatience thing?) and not in a year when everything has grown and blossomed. Because I'm a perfectionist so if after eating one recipe out of Gwyneth's book I don't actually look exactly like Gwyneth Paltrow, I may as well give up and dive head first into the nearest party sized box of maltesers.<br />
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<a href="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQx18J-bJCXh12ni64XKLfxvFUy-9kjWNcIyXFNReAs2Y_vHfo-" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQx18J-bJCXh12ni64XKLfxvFUy-9kjWNcIyXFNReAs2Y_vHfo-" /></a>That 80/20 rule never quite sunk in apparently.<br />
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It's just that the little spot in the middle of my see saw is just a bit slippier than I'd like, it makes it <br />
tricky to find my balance and stay there without sliding off again.<br />
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But I am getting better, and I'm determined to keep trying, and that's the best we can hope for.<br />
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That's a good balance.<br />
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<br />Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-41711108684952247102013-08-14T20:12:00.000+01:002013-08-14T20:15:09.667+01:00Me, myself and I<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTqoA683gy4Q39dKz9Zfp6o8___9AEZqPA7vW29gKaZ_GOyYmioJyZ_S1lqK__PYTQ9ZtqmI_J4PtZtbNm9HCBtMSpSH3iDuZuM6cqTw0__fO7uBrAraQd_rmWrhtBjyeZGaY4B6hyphenhyphen35k/s640/blogger-image-576324917.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTqoA683gy4Q39dKz9Zfp6o8___9AEZqPA7vW29gKaZ_GOyYmioJyZ_S1lqK__PYTQ9ZtqmI_J4PtZtbNm9HCBtMSpSH3iDuZuM6cqTw0__fO7uBrAraQd_rmWrhtBjyeZGaY4B6hyphenhyphen35k/s200/blogger-image-576324917.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All by myself, don't want to be...</td></tr>
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<b>I used to absolutely hate being by myself.</b></div>
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I thought of being by myself as being lonely and boring.<br />
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If I was by myself it was obviously because <b>nobody else wanted to be with me</b>. Because I was boring. It was a sign I had nothing interesting to do. It meant I was a failure in some way.<br />
<br />
Whenever I was by myself I would spend hours imagining all the fun everybody else was having, all together, out there. Without me. I would text everybody in my phone book in the vague hope that somebody somewhere might want to do something with me. Which of course made it worse if nobody replied. I didn't even like arriving to a party/pub/gathering by myself. <b>It made me feel stupid and friendless</b>.<br />
<br />
I hated being single. So I never was.<br />
<br />
And then a few years ago something happened. I woke up one morning and I just couldn't bear the thought of leaving the house, of meeting anybody, of talking to anybody. The thought that kept going round and round in my head was<b> "please just make them all go away".</b> So, to cut a long story short, I went to the doctor and asked her to make them all go away and she signed me off work with 'stress'.<br />
<br />
Which meant I was now, quite firmly and of my own doing, by myself all day every day for three weeks.<br />
<br />
Horror of all horrors and dread of all dread.<br />
<br />
But during those three weeks there were two people I did spend time with. One, a lady the doctor had referred me to for counselling and secondly, my chiropractor.<br />
<br />
<b>Both of whom kept trying to make me talk about myself and deal with my issues</b>.<br />
<br />
I had no idea how to talk about myself and didn't want to think about issues, let alone deal with them, thanks.<br />
<br />
But between them they managed to eek and creak me back into shape, little by little.<br />
<br />
And while much of that period is a big blur, I very clearly remember one day in particular.<br />
<br />
I had been for a chiropractic appointment and had missed the train home so I decided to go for a walk along the river while I waited for the next one. I sat on a bench in the sun and watched the world go by. And as I sat there I thought to myself, <b>this is the first time I can ever recall being totally content with being totally by myself</b>. Not doing anything, not talking, not thinking about anything in particular, just being here. With me, myself and I.<br />
<br />
And, since I'm writing this during Happiness Happens Month and covering one of the 31 types of happiness each day, I'll tell you exactly what it felt like.<b> I felt, for the first time in a very long time, 'peaceful'</b>.<br />
<br />
This feeling, or realisation was so powerful that I decided to miss the next train as well. And the next one.<br />
<br />
I slightly ruined it by feeling the need to text my husband and share the whole thing with him thus bringing other people into it again. But what can I say, pobody's nerfect.<br />
<br />
The point is, <b>it was seriously the first time, aged 30 something or other, I can truly remember actually being happy to be by myself, actually enjoying my own company.</b> Feeling at ease with myself. Feeling peaceful. Yeah, sure, I'd been to the cinema by myself before, but only "because I had nobody else to go with" not because I actually wanted to and that always coloured the experience somewhat.<br />
<br />
So I started to use that time off work, as well as getting to know myself better in the counselling room, to get to know myself better full stop. To spend more time with myself.<br />
<br />
And guess what,<b> turns out I'm pretty good company!</b><br />
<br />
I started going to coffee shops by myself and just watching the world go by. I started scheduling in 'just me' time and actually <b>secretly looking forward to when Alex was going to be out rather than moping about the house missing him</b>.<br />
<br />
And I got rather used to it.<br />
<br />
So much so that when I went back to work I made one day out of five a working from home day to give myself some of that me space.<br />
<br />
Now I just can't imagine not spending time just with myself. <b>Being able to go to a coffee shop and read my book by myself is a real treat now</b> (every mum reading this just wholeheartedly agreed with me!). In fact I start to feel quite anxious and claustrophobic if I go without for too long, I start to really crave some 'me time' and that 'please just make them all go away' feeling starts creeping back in.<b> I think I would go stark raving mad in the Big Brother house</b> and am slightly dreading going back to working 5 days a week because that means there is not one single day in the week where I get to just be by myself.<br />
<br />
Weird. So totally different to how I used to feel.<br />
<br />
And thinking back to that time, to how I used to feel about being by myself, I think there were several things going on. They're all muddled up together but if I try to pick them apart:<br />
<br />
1. I guess I just <b>didn't really like myself very much</b> before so why would I want to spend time with myself? Which then bled into assuming nobody else liked or wanted to spend time with me.<br />
2. On some level I knew I had <b>'stuff to deal with</b>' and didn't want to. By keeping myself surrounded with other people meant I didn't have to really bother thinking too hard about myself<br />
3. There are <b>attachment, separation and comfort</b> type things going on for one reason and another I won't go into right now.<br />
4. I have always thought of myself as an extrovert but the more time goes on I think I'd got that wrong. I think <b>perhaps I'm a closet introvert trying to live an extrovert life</b>...which is going to get pretty uncomfortable really.<br />
5. I had some really classic<b> 'thinking errors'</b> (mind reading, cause and effect, blame) clearly it's because I'm boring/friendless etc.<br />
6. I'm something known as an HSP, or '<b>Highly Sensitive Person</b>'. And yes, that does exist and it doesn't just mean crying at every sad film or whatever (although I do that too). It means, in brief, that too much crap going on all the time just gets overwhelming and makes you run for cover. There are 2 types of HSP, those who avoid all the busy-ness to avoid feeling overwhelmed, and <b>those who seek it out thereby burning themselves out and needing to hide in a dark room to recover afterwards</b>. I'm the second sort. Helpful. The waking up one morning wanting it all to go away was my burnout, the three weeks off with 'stress' was the dark room I recovered in, the 30 odd years before that? The busy-ness seeking.<br />
<b>7. And most importantly: I totally saw my happiness as something derived from and in the hands of other people, not as something I could own myself.</b><br />
<br />
<b>And now I understand all of that stuff a bit better, I can try to manage it:</b><br />
<ul>
<li>So if we're away from home or staying with family I go for<b> regular little walks by myself</b></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><b>I try not to overload myself</b>, to accept every invitation or sign up for every event going because although I think I want to keep busy, I know I'll regret it later</li>
</ul>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHy7WocPSbI4RpPZTxJ0ZrZ4kQKsxPAkrYI6-sV1q748if5wwIuNT4v0yoFQzH33rRrsTdbwZHWXtfvJBJd2gXPP8tj8B4iZfDWgkMGn28hGqjVVEN_Wz93r3srryugPxY2wZCVW0myuQ/s640/blogger-image--1471829025.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHy7WocPSbI4RpPZTxJ0ZrZ4kQKsxPAkrYI6-sV1q748if5wwIuNT4v0yoFQzH33rRrsTdbwZHWXtfvJBJd2gXPP8tj8B4iZfDWgkMGn28hGqjVVEN_Wz93r3srryugPxY2wZCVW0myuQ/s200/blogger-image--1471829025.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My space</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<ul>
<li>I keep <b>a little space just for me</b> in the house that I can escape to when I need to</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>I try to keep to a <b>routine</b>, I have little <b>rituals</b>, like my morning tea</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li> I do things <b>just for myself</b> (new hobbies etc) just because I want to</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>I attempt, but usually fail miserably, to keep some kind of <b>mindfulness</b> practice going to keep my head clear</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>And most importantly, I try to <b>notice what's going on with me</b> instead of focusing just on other people and bottling myself up. I try to <b>talk through how I'm feeling</b> if and when I'm feeling out of sorts. I let off steam bit by bit instead of exploding and needing that dark room again</li>
</ul>
I suppose, in short, I'm much kinder to myself and so I like myself a bit better in return. And somebody who's kind to you and who you like is an ok person to be around. I'm also, thanks to all the learning I've done on positive psychology and in writing this blog, much much better at taking responsibility for my own happiness and not seeing it as something totally controlled by other people.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_4hh7gTaspFlnUsWkcxeNbPLOA20ecWu9SRRY_f03bdyBmZU1QfEF9sriEEx6XgbIrkU0bgiW5mVRPr9zzMCOXbv3lu5jLevOKNdrTqSlCFo2XqbcirYaJrGY-Elve-ZQt4RA16TcBLo/s640/blogger-image-510725783.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_4hh7gTaspFlnUsWkcxeNbPLOA20ecWu9SRRY_f03bdyBmZU1QfEF9sriEEx6XgbIrkU0bgiW5mVRPr9zzMCOXbv3lu5jLevOKNdrTqSlCFo2XqbcirYaJrGY-Elve-ZQt4RA16TcBLo/s200/blogger-image-510725783.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of my little solo walks</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
That one's a biggie.<br />
<br />
I find it quite sad that I used to hate my own company so much, but I'm so glad now that I've grown to love it. And given my change of view on the whole thing, it's quite interesting to come up against people who still feel the same way I used to. Who <b>see being by themselves as some kind of thing that's done to them, as the rubbish option, as a by product of not being good enough for everybody else. Instead of as an active choice</b>.<br />
<br />
None of this is to say that I've become some kind of recluse, or that I now prefer my own company to that of anybody else. Far from it. Now that I'm more comfortable with myself I'm also more comfortable with other people. Instead of going out of my way to surround myself with people, anybody, all of the time regardless of who or how or what or whether or not I'm actually enjoying it, I can now have better, more quality time with people I actually want to be with and relax and enjoy it more than I would have done before. I find it easier to meet and chat to new people because my head isn't as full up and whirring around as it was before. I just find it easier to say no to things and to not fret about not having anyone to play with too.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj88IBs7jVRlq7jAusVuJdwHuGPjxdEOzOAXsQr6fzCZfx1kFIhyphenhyphennn_YjAFDNnxL6uWZgYmk66d9FJ901KAZti_WIItrYwEjj7B9xhiKxZtxFRDX4y9Kyqqy8GQnRsErsd_d7qor-hLBMA/s640/blogger-image--352878870.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj88IBs7jVRlq7jAusVuJdwHuGPjxdEOzOAXsQr6fzCZfx1kFIhyphenhyphennn_YjAFDNnxL6uWZgYmk66d9FJ901KAZti_WIItrYwEjj7B9xhiKxZtxFRDX4y9Kyqqy8GQnRsErsd_d7qor-hLBMA/s200/blogger-image--352878870.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">picnic lunch for one</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I've had more than one conversation recently when somebody has said to me something like "aaah, look at that poor bloke over there having lunch by himself". But why is he a poor bloke? IF the reason he is there by himself is because everybody else he knows refused to go with him, he has no friends, and he got stood up and he feels sad about that, then maybe so. BUT, if he has actively chosen to go by himself then there is no poor about it. In my eyes, <b>poor is the man who needs other people from which to draw strength and happiness, but strong is the man who is confident and happy enough in his own skin that he needs nothing more than his own company to enjoy a nice meal in a restaurant</b>.<br />
<br />
Even if the reason we're by ourselves is because we really couldn't find anybody else who wanted to be with us at that moment, <b>we still have a choice</b>. We can choose to feel down and lonely and fed up and bored and play the victim. Or we can choose to see it as an opportunity to kick back, relax, read a book, have a bath, do whatever we want. We have nobody else to answer to at all. As I say, ask any mum out there (and by the way, I'm not one but I know plenty) and they will all agree that <b>being alone is a rare thing to be treasured, not scorned. So don't waste it feeling crappy, switch it in your head into something happy</b>.<br />
<br />
Being by yourself is such an important thing to do. It's like pressing a 'reset' button. It gives us time and space to clear our heads, to work out how we feel about stuff, to wind down. It makes us much better people for everybody else to be around in the long run. Why should anybody else want to spend time with you if even you don't want to!?<br />
<br />
And if, like I did, you get the sense you're avoiding being by yourself because you just don't really like yourself very much, or you know if you're alone all those thoughts you're trying to avoid will have time and space to bubble up to the surface, then <b>address it now</b>. <br />
<br />
It won't be easy.<br />
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<b>But it will definitely be worth it.</b><br />
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<br />Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-79174537564715943872013-08-12T23:37:00.000+01:002013-08-12T23:37:06.381+01:00Love the sillyLife can be SO serious some times. And sometimes rightly so.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQBj206oOYEohlmECiM99Qu1p94TRAu0xD0wXQUGL4wvDbV67tAQw" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="130" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQBj206oOYEohlmECiM99Qu1p94TRAu0xD0wXQUGL4wvDbV67tAQw" width="200" /></a>But other times, it's much better just to be silly. To lighten the mood. To let off steam. To be a bit playful.<br />
<br />
I can take things as super seriously as the next person, maybe more so, when I need to. But I also can't help being very very silly when it suits too.<br />
<br />
I can't imagine a day without a silly walk or two, a daft face pulled, a hearty giggle, an innuendo.<br />
<br />
Humour and silliness can be such a good venting tool. I remember some really god awful meetings where there was such tension in the air, all totally released as soon as somebody made a light hearted quip. It's like a balloon being popped. If my team didn't have a laugh as well as get the job done, if we couldn't see the funny side in the drudgery, if we didn't laugh at ourselves, well then I wasn't doing my job as a manager properly.<br />
<br />
And the same at home. There are bills, housework, chores, sometimes arguments. We've all got our fair share of problems. But I love that we also behave like a pair of demented monkeys at the zoo; like children let loose in a toy shop; like very very silly people and not at all like fully grown adult people who should know better a LOT of the time.<br />
<br />
We make up stupid words for things. We show off with daft dancing and prancing about. We play silly games.<br />
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We play.<br />
<br />
Like joy, awe and delight and other things I've been talking about recently, children do all of these things naturally. Children's natural instincts is to play, freely, without direction and for absolutely no other reason than to have fun. They don't even need to let their guards down, they have no guard up. They are relaxed and un-bothered by life and free to play to their hearts content.<br />
<br />
But actually, in the process they are learning and developing and growing as people all the while.<br />
<br />
And we could learn a lot from that.<br />
<a href="http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/zurijeta/zurijeta1004/zurijeta100400133/6759175-playful-ambient-happiness-and-joy-outdoor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/zurijeta/zurijeta1004/zurijeta100400133/6759175-playful-ambient-happiness-and-joy-outdoor.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
So next time things are getting a bit heavy, sod it, throw caution to the wind, call on your inner child and get<br />
your playful on. Have a pillow fight, jump up and down on the bed, turn the music up and dance like a nutter, blow a raspberry, swing in the park.<br />
<br />
Who cares what it is, just get rid of that guard, let off some steam and play. <br />
<br />
For the pure heck of it.<br />
<br />
For fun.<br />
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Because it's good for you.<br />
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And that's good for other people too.<br />
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<br />Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-3181975314818590282013-08-11T20:00:00.000+01:002013-08-11T20:01:30.910+01:00And....breatheI started this 'post a day' for Happiness Happens Month* a bit by accident.<br />
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<div>
I started talking about the 31 types of happiness one by one every day and, for those I hadn't already written about before, I naturally wrote a new post. Then it just seemed a good idea to carry on. But as I got into it I wondered both how on earth I was going to come up with something new to say every day and, on closer inspection of the</div>
<div>
31 types of happiness poster, how on earth I was going to cover some of the subjects on there. Some of them I'm pretty comfortable with, things like gratitude and kindness and optimism. But how on earth was I going to cover things like 'relief', and never mind that, how on earth was I actually going to choose which one to talk about each day.</div>
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<div>
Choosing and making decisions is not something I terribly famous for. In fact, my one and only guest post on Tiny Buddha is in deed on the subject of the very opposite: indecision and not knowing what to do**.<br />
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<a href="http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/skeleton-x-ray-out-to-lunch-2262008.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/skeleton-x-ray-out-to-lunch-2262008.jpg" width="186" /></a>But every day of doing this I realise more and more that rather than force the answer, it just sort of trots along of its own accord at some point during the day. Like most decisions we need to make, if I sit down and try to force myself to decide which to cover, nothing happens. All I get is the 'out to lunch' sign my brain has left for me. That and some tumble weed.</div>
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<div>
This is a really good lesson for me. By lesson I mean something I already know but need repeatedly spelling out for me on an ongoing basis. And I know I'm not alone because of all the amazing feedback I had from the guest post. Turns out many of you are just as rubbish as me when it comes to making, sticking to, believing in and not then regretting decisions...of any description.</div>
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So I may know and be able to write about the fact that decision making is not always an active, conscious process but something that has to be left alone to work itself out, quietly at the back of the mind before leaping out onto centre stage yelling "TA DAAAAA!" all of it's own accord. And having that knowledge certainly helps but it doesn't mean it's always that easy just to relax into the process.</div>
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So seeing it happen day after day has been really helpful. </div>
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It's turned this month of posts into an exciting challenge rather than a chore.</div>
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<a href="http://blog.powerscore.com/Portals/156640/images/lightbulb.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://blog.powerscore.com/Portals/156640/images/lightbulb.png" width="225" /></a>Watching these little ideas just pop up from nowhere and seeing how easy it is to then write about them from the heart rather than force something has been really, interesting. </div>
<div>
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<div>
So really what I'm talking about is 'inspiration'. Every day I'm being 'inspired' by what's happening around me and going from there. The 'planner' in me has had to sit back and relax because inspiration crops up unexpectedly. It can't be planned for. We just have to be open and watching and ready to take what we're given and work with it. It's a bit scary because I'm leaving it to chance. I'm risking no inspiration striking that day. There's always that little worry that I'll be sat starting at the screen at 23.59 tearing my hair out still not knowing what to say. But actually I'm starting to see that as part of the fun.</div>
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And do you know what? Even when I started to write this post I absolutely hadn't expected to write about the happiness we get from feeling 'inspired'. I thought I was sitting down to write about relief, the sort of happiness we feel when we're 'relieved'. I guess I was inspired half way through to change tack, and relaxed enough to let that happen.</div>
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<div>
I thought I was writing about relief because 'relieved' is how I felt when I realised 'choosing' a post subject every day wasn't going to be quite as arduous as I expected. Because 'relieved' is how I always feel when that elusive, agonising decision has finally been made. Because 'relieved' is how I feel when inspiration strikes</div>
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And relieved is most definitely how I felt earlier today. </div>
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I had been quite upset, sad, uptight, nervous and panicky this morning and it wasn't nice. (It actually popped into my head in the middle of it "how are you going to write a post on happiness later when you've got yourself into this state you stupid woman"...not helpful self talk there). But, when it was resolved, when it went away, when I'd had a cuddle and everything was ok again, I sat down on the side of the bed and I actually felt my shoulders soften, I felt the tension leave my body, I heaved a huge sigh (of relief) not even having realised I'd been holding my breath, and a gentle smile found its way onto my lips.</div>
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'Relief' I thought to myself. That's what this is. It may not be as exciting, as rapturous, as joyful, as exuberant as any of the other types of happiness, (mmm, I guess that depends on the 'type' of relief!?). But it sure does feel nice. In that moment I was 'inspired' to write about 'relief'.</div>
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And in that moment I was grateful for the 31 types of happiness because, had it not been for having them on my radar every day, I don't think I'd have stopped to notice or appreciate that feeling of relief. I think it's probably a very mundane, underrated type of happiness but one that deserves a big fat mention and one we could all do with appreciating more. It's these day to day simple moments that all add up...but only if we notice them.</div>
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So, thank you relief, thank you 31 types of happiness, thank you inspiration.</div>
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And thank you Alex for the cuddle.</div>
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*Happiness Happens Month is a whole month dedicated to talking about, spreading and inspiring happiness created by The Secret Society of Happy People and celebrated throughout August and I signed up as a Happiness Happens Month Ambassador. For more info have a look <a href="http://sohp.com/society-celebrations/happiness-happens-month/" target="_blank">here</a> </div>
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**You can read my Tiny Buddha post <a href="http://tinybuddha.com/blog/what-to-do-when-you-dont-know-what-to-do/" target="_blank">here</a></div>
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Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-9218178370696610112013-08-10T22:10:00.000+01:002013-08-10T22:14:01.007+01:00Joyful Joyful we adore theeAnother day into Happiness Happens Month, another blog post.<br />
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I've tried not to be too prescriptive about which of the happiness states I'm going to write about it until it happens. Rather than force it, I've waited to see what inspires me.<br />
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And today, spending time with our little nephew has inspired me to write about the type of happiness The Secret Society of Happy people describe as 'joyful'.<br />
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Yesterday, when talking about awe, it struck me that babies naturally experience everything with awe and amazement. Everything seems wonderful and magical to babies. Everything is shiny and new.<br />
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Babies find joy in places we no longer even look.<br />
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And having both thought and written about this yesterday, today I watched it first hand.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOyaPZSnzFx-zJ3Zmy71o2SEi7JnIQHBCZActDfxgV9Rxt4IMGgrBMXIQHdjPrwaxBdrej1bFO8L9NX6KqHHvQN8O4SXbB2NjX2Z4wzm2GnrX8cWlWNaxzW6KzCGprK858wMCz9wdM_yc/s640/blogger-image--50336306.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOyaPZSnzFx-zJ3Zmy71o2SEi7JnIQHBCZActDfxgV9Rxt4IMGgrBMXIQHdjPrwaxBdrej1bFO8L9NX6KqHHvQN8O4SXbB2NjX2Z4wzm2GnrX8cWlWNaxzW6KzCGprK858wMCz9wdM_yc/s320/blogger-image--50336306.jpg" width="320" /></a>Our nephew, little Thomas, bubbles with wonder and joy. All day. Actually, speaking of bubbles, he finds them pretty special too.<br />
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But what was even more special than watching Thomas bubble with joy, was watching his joy bubble over onto everybody else. If Thomas finds something funny, everybody finds it funny. If Thomas is enthralled by a butterfly, we're all enthralled with Thomas. There is no need for chat, or TV or any other means of passing the time other than experiencing Thomas experiencing life for the first time.<br />
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Eyes alight, smiles and chuckles, belly laughs and silly faces. Surely joy has to be the most contagious type of happiness there is?<br />
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Or as Shakespeare put it, "joy delights in joy".<br />
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Well it certainly did today. We were all joyful joyful, and Thomas, we adore thee.Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3740411841017587288.post-1688012101640033992013-08-09T21:50:00.000+01:002013-08-09T21:50:00.516+01:00When feeling small is a good thing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Have you ever experienced one of those moments when you feel totally and utterly overwhelmed by the sheer amazingness and wonder of something? When suddenly, the world and all its wonder feels so big and you but a small but equally amazing part of it? Where you just think: "wow".<br />
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<a href="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTMNzO_OEdGJFJYqYJoRkc-xKrt4Kk0hk8fK-TL-YrGL5IgD6CNjQ" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTMNzO_OEdGJFJYqYJoRkc-xKrt4Kk0hk8fK-TL-YrGL5IgD6CNjQ" width="200" /></a>You could be standing looking over the grand canyon, feeling the spray of Iguazu falls on your face, marvelling at a newborn baby or simply watching the sunset from the bottom of your garden. Or watching your husband sleep. Or your child walk for the first time.<br />
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It doesn't matter what it is, how big or small. We're all different. But whatever it is, it makes you sigh and think: "wow". It moves you. Maybe even to tears. It makes you really feel. Feel so much you might just burst. It makes your heart sing so loud you can't understand why nobody else can hear it. You feel elevated. Uplifted.<br />
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But not in a frantic, excited sort of way. Instead all this in a calm, content, peaceful sort of way.<br />
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That, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call 'awe'. Real, proper awe. Not the every day overused 'awe' that crops up every time anybody proclaims something as 'awesome'.<br />
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<a href="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTEpB-z2TBxIfP0_ek8COUfw_qH0iC7Ihp-XQz1Rzs9p8C4gsfg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTEpB-z2TBxIfP0_ek8COUfw_qH0iC7Ihp-XQz1Rzs9p8C4gsfg" /></a>And awe, is good news.<br />
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Really good news.<br />
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Awe is a big old feeling. A really big positive feeling. It warms the vagus nerve and produces oxytocin, both super stuff for our happiness levels.<br />
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But awe is so much more than that...awe actually really is quite awesome.<br />
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Awe has this amazing power of making you feel like you have all the time in the world, so you're more likely to slow down and be more mindful...you can't really experience awe unless you're really present in that moment. Studies have shown that you're also more likely, given you now feel you have more time on your hands, to donate that time to other people, to use it kindly.<br />
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When we experience awe, we feel somehow more connected. It doesn't matter what to, connection is a good thing to feel. And awe is such a huge feeling, we feel connected to and a part of something much bigger than ourselves.<br />
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And given that awe makes us take stock of the bigger, wider, wonderful world out there beyond our own little brains, it has the ability to take our minds off our own issues, the minutiae of our day to day lives and to put things in context a little bit. It encourages us to literally look up and out.<br />
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Now, I won't claim to know what you're thinking, but if I were reading this I'd be thinking "wow, that's all really great stuff. Except what on earth am I supposed to do with it? I can't be jetting off to Niagara and the hanging gardens of Babylon every five seconds to recreate this whole 'awe' thing. So thanks for that".<br />
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The point of this here blog is to find ways we can use what we know from the science of happiness to help us get more of it, more often in our every day lives. And we can do the same with what we know about awe.<br />
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Firstly, we can trick our brain into getting similar feelings, especially good for the getting out of our own brains part. Go outside, preferably into a park or field and let your eyes drift upwards. Then let you eyes go slack and soften your focus so you're using your peripheral vision (ie you can now see out to the sides as well as just forward, albeit a bit blurry. Your field of vision is enlarged). You are now, literally, looking up and out. And it should have the effect of making you feel really rather small in the grand old scheme of life, thereby putting what's going on inside your head into context. If nothing else it's good for a bit of headspace and fresh air.<br />
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But what about the real 'awe' stuff.<br />
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It's all about getting to know yourself and diary management again.<br />
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Work out what it is that uplifts and inspires you. Write a list. Notice every time it happens and write it down. Mine are pretty much anything to do with nature and if you scroll back through my blog you can find post after post eulogising about the beauties of conkers, the awesomness of Autumn, the simple but highly effective pleasures I get just from walking through the park. Or hearing parakeets tweeting outside my window. Or watching the sun go down, wherever I am, with my husband.<br />
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Once you know where your little (and your big) uplifts come from, do everything you can to squeeze more of them into your life. Scrub that - into your day. And when they happen, do everything you can to squeeze even more out of them. How can you make that thing you love even more awesome? How can you enhance that feeling, lift up that uplift even higher?<br />
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The simple adage, work out what makes you happy and do more of it, remains true here<br />
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It's true that the word 'happiness' comes from the 'hap' stem and therefore has connotations of spontaneity.<br />
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And it's true that the type of happiness you simply stumble upon is often the best, but that's not to diminish<br />
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the rest. Just because I've eaten lobster doesn't mean I don't still enjoy cod and chips...in fact not so long ago I experienced a moment of awe sat eating fish and chips out of the wrapper, gazing out at the vast sea beyond just as dusk was falling, the wind whipping my hair around my face and the seagulls circling. Just then, with the salty batter on my lips and the sweet tangy bubbles of shandy to wash it down, I thought to myself: "wow". Just, "wow".<br />
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So go find your wow, and then work out how to get it as much as you possibly can.<br />
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But in the meantime, try one of these<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"><span name="hotword" style="cursor: default;"><br /></span></span>Emma Whilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14443483174935361987noreply@blogger.com0